Guess who’ s coming to dinner?
8 February 2026 Charbonneau Villager
Civic Affairs
By DAVE MAUK
Guess who’ s coming to dinner?
Many readers of this column request more history articles about our state, region and locality. February, which celebrates the birthdays of two of
MAUK our most revered U. S. presidents, seemed like a good time for this. When the January Charbonneau nonfiction book group discussion veered into the topic of who among our founders would we like to have as hypothetical dinner guests, the following article took shape. The references to anecdotes, food and quotes are historically accurate to the best of this historian’ s knowledge. Enjoy the conversations!
“ Finally we’ re having the dinner
party that so many folks have been clamoring about. Who was it that finally gave in and said,‘ Enough of this idle chatter; let’ s do this?’ Was that you George?’” asked one of four men in the elegant, Federalist period dining room.
Thomas spoke up,“ No, George gets his share of credit as it is. I’ m fairly sure the tall fellow standing by the fireplace suggested it, since he’ s the one under the most pressure to show up for one of these historical dinners. Gentlemen, please try my peas and tomatoes.”
“ Well my brothers, you may have a point there, but it’ s not me,” Abraham Lincoln said.“ In fact if I was a betting man, which I’ m certainly not, my money would be on the man sitting by himself at the table who seems to be laughing at his own jokes. And please save a spiced apple for me.”
“ Come on you‘ old humbugs’ let’ s get this dinner party underway,” said Mark Twain, the seated bushy-haired man, knifing butter on a biscuit.“ I’ ve been on riverboats that get unstuck from sand bars more quickly than you old-timers take to your chairs for dinner.”
“ So, do we call you Mark, Sam or Samuel? It seems that another of our esteemed peers, who happens to be a friend of yours, didn’ t get the word to us that you would be attending,” said one general about another, crunching pickled okra.
“ That’ s my man Ulysses. No, he wouldn’ t spill the beans, though might eat a pot of‘ em. He’ s one of my biggest benefactors, I mean to say, fans, so it doesn’ t surprise me,” said the bushy-haired man.
“ Mark, why don’ t you sit across from Thomas, where the two of you can better discuss his library,” George Washington said.“ Abe, you and I can take seats at the head of the table, since we have top billing at this soiree.”
“ Yes sir, General Washington, at your service,” Twain responded.“ Y’ all know I’ m quite fond of old generals myself. I used to be embarrassed to be among them, but Ulysses changed that. Abe, he had plenty to say about you in his Personal Memoirs
I published back in 1885. He always said you had‘ goodness of heart’ and never backed down when you made demands of your officers.”
“ Twain, I’ m afraid that was after my time. My library had many books, covering botany, architecture, the classics, philosophy, nothing like Cicero to inspire enlightenment. Francis Bacon, now that man was brilliant. My favorite volume is The Federalist of course,” Thomas Jefferson said.“ How can you beat what us Founders wrote, which created the Constitution for this great nation. Just imagine a union of so many states. Fifty now! All the way to the shores of the Pacific, reached in 1805 by my Lewis and Clark Discovery Corps.”
“ Is it true, Thomas, that an election was held by the corps where a Black man and native woman were given the same right to vote as every man on the expedition?” asked an admiring Lincoln.
Jefferson replied,“ Yes Abe, William
See CIVIC AFFAIRS / 9
ROOF MASTERS INC. Charbonneau Approved Lifetime Presidential Composition
• New Roof Installations
• Repairs
• Cleanings
“ Quality Work With A Written Workmanship Warranty”
FAST DEPENDABLE, QUALITY SERVICE LOCAL REFERENCES- FREE ESTIMATES
503-266-5848
LICENSED, BONDED, INSURED- CCB # 85663 FAMILY ORIENTED BUSINESS“ SERVING THE LOCAL AREA SINCE 1986” 18797 Hwy 99E, Hubbard, OR 97032
www. roofmastersoregon. com