me showed me that the more lives we can touch , the more hands we can place on shoulders to support others , the better the world would be . It is something I strived to do in my courtroom and in my life .
When a person appeared in my court who was trying to put their life back together after a history of bad decisions , drug addiction , or other difficulties , I would always encourage them to keep at their efforts , often reducing their fines or dismissing them . What I often said to them was , “ I ’ m rooting for you .” I could always see in their eyes that those simple words had a great impact — letting them know they were not taking this journey alone and that others were there to support them , encourage them , even give them a break . That changed everything .
Sometimes that ’ s all it takes to help someone who feels alone and vulnerable . Let them know that there is someone who cares about them and is putting a little wind in their sails . What good was levying fines they had incurred while struggling with addiction if that financial stress would be an impediment to their recovery and erase whatever motivation and momentum they may have had in trying to be productive again ? Sometimes , a hand on the shoulder can make all the difference , as it did with me .
As adults , we should all take more time to lend a guiding hand . A gentle nudge can change a life for the better . And it is not hard to do . Letting someone know you care about their well-being and that you want them to be a good person can help them have a better life .
CHAPTER 7
The Importance of Showing Up
M y father taught me that your character and your word is everything . Even as I was focused on myself , on graduating high school and going to college , Tup was always there to remind me of what was truly important .
When I was sixteen , I worked so many jobs that one might honestly lose track . Aside from helping my dad with the milk truck , I also worked shining shoes on the corner and delivering newspapers . I worked at a bowling alley setting the pins . I buffed cars in the body shop at the car dealership . One time I was working at a restaurant on a Saturday night . I did not get out of the restaurant until 11 p . m . When I got home my father said , “ Anthony is leaving for Germany .”
My older brother had been drafted and was stationed at Fort Dix , New Jersey . But he had gotten his deployment orders , and they were sending him to Germany .
“ They ’ re leaving at seven in the morning , so we have to make sure we go and see him ,” Dad said . I agreed to go with him . “ We ’ re going to leave the night before and get up very early to see him off . We ’ ll stay in a hotel near the base .”
The day before Anthony left , we drove down to New Jersey in my father ’ s 1941 Chevrolet . It was a six-and-a-half-hour drive on difficult roads . For me , it was an adventure , an epic road trip that I got to share with my father . My mother had made us some sandwiches ; when we got hungry , we ate those in the car or by the side of the road .
We found a nearby motel that charged $ 7 for a room about as big as a closet . This was a fortune for us to spend on something unplanned , so we both stayed in that tiny room .
I was so excited to see Anthony , I couldn ’ t fall asleep . In my mind , I was picturing going to see him on the base , where he would be with his regiment in uniform ; perhaps there would be a band and a parade , and we would be in the reviewing stand . I hoped to see his bunk and get to spend a few moments with him before he went off . That was how it was always portrayed in the movies , so I had no way to know anything different .
My father woke me up at 4:30 a . m . at the motel , saying , “ We have to be there on time .”
I drove us to the gate . My father pointed to the side of the road and said , “ Okay , park over here .”
I didn ’ t understand why we were not going onto the base . Where was the reviewing stand , the band , and the soldiers at attention ? I thought we must be in the wrong place , but I didn ’ t want to say anything . So , we just stood there , by the side of the road just outside the gate in the darkness . As the hours wore on , I was hungry , thirsty , and tired . I also knew we had a long , tough drive back to Providence .
At 7 a . m . sharp , a bus came out of the gates at Fort Dix . My father exclaimed , “ Here he is ! Here he is !”
We could see my brother on the bus as it was driving by . He saw us and waved to us out of the window . He was excited and so were we . We enthusiastically waved back . And then he was gone . That was it ?
My father turned to me and said , “ Ah , we saw him .” We had no chance to spend time with him , to talk to him and give him a hug . But my father was as happy as could be . “ He knows we came and that is what matters ,” Dad said . We got back in the car to make the more than six-hour drive back to Providence . We didn ’ t say much on that trip back . We didn ’ t need to . It became clear to me that this trip wasn ’ t about us , or about me . It was about Anthony knowing we were there for him .
My brother told this story many times throughout his life . I got to see how important it was to him that we showed up . Tup set the bar high that day and taught me a lesson that Anthony and I never forgot .
Someone once said that “ ninety percent of life is just showing up .” I would amend that to “ a good life is about showing up for others .”
Excerpted from Compassion in the Court : Life-Changing Stories from America ’ s Nicest Judge . Copyright 2025 by Frank Caprio . Used with permission of the publisher , BenBella Books , Inc . All rights reserved .
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