www . newellstrength . com Fool me once , shame on you , fool me twice , shame on me . www . unlockingyourinnerstrength . com
She had fooled me twice . The signs were there . But they were there with all the other 8 or so relationships I had been in prior to that as well , yet I ignored them .
So , alone in a foreign land , I fell into a deep funk . I only had 1 or 2 books with me because I had decided that I didn ’ t have to be a voracious reader that summer , another big mistake .
And the only reason that sticks out in my mind is because the first thing I tried to turn to to help me were my books , only to realize that I only had 2 measly books in my bag .
I do recall one of those books was Brian Tracy ’ s ‘ Goals ’.
I tried to force myself to read it , but I was sinking into freeze mode fast . Reading a page or two was a bear .
But I stuck with it for that week . I would get up late , mope around , make a late breakfast ( this was preintermittent fasting ) and ride my bike 4 miles down to the beach .
The sun-light helped a little .
However , something I read in that book finally ‘ clicked ’ with me that made me realize I was in a pattern in my life of seeking out the wrong type of partner . It was at that moment that I realized that until I recognized the pattern fully , that I would continue to repeat it .
Different face , same pattern , over and over .
What was that pattern ? I would date girls that I found physically attractive , yet they all seemed to have family issues and all seemed to be coming off of relationships . And the blow of death from all of them seemed to go something like this : ‘ You are the nicest guy I ’ ve ever met . But you are too nice for someone like me ’.
And each time , I would play the ‘ what-if ’ game with myself . What if this , what if that ?... Each time I felt as if I had to change my inner-being to be more a ‘ bad-boy ’ finally find happiness .
Well , there are two mistakes there : 1 ) No one nor no thing can bring you happiness . Happiness is an internal game and 2 ) You cannot and should not change your BEING for someone else .
It was on that beach , sitting on the grassy knoll with a cliff on each side that I ‘ got it ’. I literally started talking to myself , saying , ‘ I love who I am as a person . I really do . I am a great person and I am done trying to change for anyone . F-that .’ And I kept repeating it .
Then I took out the only blank notebook I had and wrote like a mad man . I wrote out my thoughts and I wrote out what I knew in my heart at that moment would be the perfect match for me in terms of a partner .