AFTERTHOUGHT
President Trump
No , you ’ re not dreaming , although you might be having a nightmare . The truly unimaginable has happened . The fate of the Western world is the hands of a man whose knowledge of foreign affairs is described as “ fuzzy ”. Dan Morris reports
The is article was printed in the Daily Telegraph ( 31.03.16 ) after being submitted by journalism minor student Dan Morris while on work experience at the paper . Only the standfirst and headline has been changed .
Day 1 . On a cold winter ’ s day in Washington , President Elect Donald Trump takes the short car ride from his hotel to the Capitol Building . As he ascends the stairs to the podium , he is greeted with cheers and more than a few boos . Instead of swearing the oath of office on the Bible , Trump chooses to place one hand on his heart and the other on a copy of his book Trump : The art of the deal . Truly , this is a momentous occasion .
Day 5 . After using an executive order to re-paint the White House gold , Trump picks his Cabinet . These include his daughter as Secretary of State and Michael Bay as Secretary of Defence ( The Don saw Transformers and rather liked it ). Sarah Palin is announced as the new Ambassador to the U . N . He proclaims that it ’ s the most attractive cabinet ever .
Day 20 . President Trump introduces the “ Apprentice Bill ”. This calls for all Mexican immigrants to compete in a number of televised tasks to demonstrate how much they want to be American citizens .
Day 36 . After President Trump ’ s “ Everyone must have a gun ” bill fails in the Senate , he takes to Twitter , calling all the Senators ‘# losers ’ and ‘# ugly ’ until the wee hours of the morning . Isn ’ t it interesting that the tragedy in Paris took place in one of the toughest gun control countries in the world ?
Day 37 . The Governor of Washington requests a referendum to be held on whether or not they can become part of Canada . This is also followed by Vermont and Oregon . Trump responds by calling these States “ Communist hippies ”.
Day 42 . After Russian aggression in Ukraine , the President calls Putin . Two hours later , Trump Tweets “@ PutinRF _ Eng is a great guy . His plans for Europe show great leadership and he knows how to deal .” Hours later Trump ’ s corporate Twitter account announces that his company is going to open up a new golf course and casino in Donetsk . Putin has become a big hero in Russia with an all-time high popularity . Obama , on the other hand , has fallen to his lowest ever numbers . SAD
Day 48 . On a trip to Brussels to meet with members of NATO , President Trump has to defend himself after mistaking President Hollande for a waiter and calling the Dutch air force pointless .
Day 50 . After news comes out about the break-up of NATO , President Trump tries to subdue the headlines by using an executive order to change all the names of the National Parks to ‘ Trump American Liberty Parks ’. This includes adding his face to Mount Rushmore .
Day 67 . Traffic lights are now called ‘ Freedom Lights ’, with the usual colours out and red , white and blue in . Traffic accidents go up 80pc as no one is quite sure which one has replaced green .
Day 74 . President Trump is annoyed that he can ’ t gamble in Washington . Astonishingly , his ‘ Winter Government ’ bill passes through Congress , meaning that all three branches of Government will move to Las Vegas from January to April every year . It is predicted to cost the federal Government $ 10 billion .
Day 76 . Members of Congress face backlash after newspapers report that they all received free lifetime entry into any Trump resort as part of the “ Winter Government ” bill .
Day 80 . At the opening ceremony for the ‘ Trump International Border Wall ’, which runs alongside the Mexican border , it becomes apparent that the gold colour reflects the desert sun incredibly well , blinding half the population of El Paso .
Day 84 . The ‘ Special Relationship ’ once shared between UK and US is in disarray after President Trumps tries to high five the Queen at a state banquet . He later praises Lord Alan Sugar ’ s decision to get further into politics
Day 100 . With almost all of the US ’ s intellectuals now living in Europe or Canada , the US suffer a huge brain drain . President Trump tweets : “ University of life is all people need for everything they need two know ”.
Everyone looks forward to the next three years and nine months .
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