AFTERTHOUGHT
President Trump
No, you’ re not dreaming, although you might be having a nightmare. The truly unimaginable has happened. The fate of the Western world is the hands of a man whose knowledge of foreign affairs is described as“ fuzzy”. Dan Morris reports
The is article was printed in the Daily Telegraph( 31.03.16) after being submitted by journalism minor student Dan Morris while on work experience at the paper. Only the standfirst and headline has been changed.
Day 1. On a cold winter’ s day in Washington, President Elect Donald Trump takes the short car ride from his hotel to the Capitol Building. As he ascends the stairs to the podium, he is greeted with cheers and more than a few boos. Instead of swearing the oath of office on the Bible, Trump chooses to place one hand on his heart and the other on a copy of his book Trump: The art of the deal. Truly, this is a momentous occasion.
Day 5. After using an executive order to re-paint the White House gold, Trump picks his Cabinet. These include his daughter as Secretary of State and Michael Bay as Secretary of Defence( The Don saw Transformers and rather liked it). Sarah Palin is announced as the new Ambassador to the U. N. He proclaims that it’ s the most attractive cabinet ever.
Day 20. President Trump introduces the“ Apprentice Bill”. This calls for all Mexican immigrants to compete in a number of televised tasks to demonstrate how much they want to be American citizens.
Day 36. After President Trump’ s“ Everyone must have a gun” bill fails in the Senate, he takes to Twitter, calling all the Senators‘# losers’ and‘# ugly’ until the wee hours of the morning. Isn’ t it interesting that the tragedy in Paris took place in one of the toughest gun control countries in the world?
Day 37. The Governor of Washington requests a referendum to be held on whether or not they can become part of Canada. This is also followed by Vermont and Oregon. Trump responds by calling these States“ Communist hippies”.
Day 42. After Russian aggression in Ukraine, the President calls Putin. Two hours later, Trump Tweets“@ PutinRF _ Eng is a great guy. His plans for Europe show great leadership and he knows how to deal.” Hours later Trump’ s corporate Twitter account announces that his company is going to open up a new golf course and casino in Donetsk. Putin has become a big hero in Russia with an all-time high popularity. Obama, on the other hand, has fallen to his lowest ever numbers. SAD
Day 48. On a trip to Brussels to meet with members of NATO, President Trump has to defend himself after mistaking President Hollande for a waiter and calling the Dutch air force pointless.
Day 50. After news comes out about the break-up of NATO, President Trump tries to subdue the headlines by using an executive order to change all the names of the National Parks to‘ Trump American Liberty Parks’. This includes adding his face to Mount Rushmore.
Day 67. Traffic lights are now called‘ Freedom Lights’, with the usual colours out and red, white and blue in. Traffic accidents go up 80pc as no one is quite sure which one has replaced green.
Day 74. President Trump is annoyed that he can’ t gamble in Washington. Astonishingly, his‘ Winter Government’ bill passes through Congress, meaning that all three branches of Government will move to Las Vegas from January to April every year. It is predicted to cost the federal Government $ 10 billion.
Day 76. Members of Congress face backlash after newspapers report that they all received free lifetime entry into any Trump resort as part of the“ Winter Government” bill.
Day 80. At the opening ceremony for the‘ Trump International Border Wall’, which runs alongside the Mexican border, it becomes apparent that the gold colour reflects the desert sun incredibly well, blinding half the population of El Paso.
Day 84. The‘ Special Relationship’ once shared between UK and US is in disarray after President Trumps tries to high five the Queen at a state banquet. He later praises Lord Alan Sugar’ s decision to get further into politics
Day 100. With almost all of the US’ s intellectuals now living in Europe or Canada, the US suffer a huge brain drain. President Trump tweets:“ University of life is all people need for everything they need two know”.
Everyone looks forward to the next three years and nine months.
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