FOCUS
Man behind
Pulpit
The
the
By Farhan Shah
Reverend Lawrence Khong is a
name that admittedly stirs up a lot
of emotions, mostly due to his vocal
passion for nation building and
opposition against what he calls the
homosexual agenda. But, behind
his rhetoric is a man who is also a
husband and a father. We talk to him
about his parenting philosophies, his
relationship with his daughter who is
a single mother, his regrets, and his
stance regarding homosexuality.
Thank you for agreeing to this
interview. I understand that you’re a
busy man.
Not at all. The issue of family is
something that is dear and important
to me, and I feel that in Singapore,
the concept of family is falling apart.
We’re currently living in a hedonistic
world and a society that continually
seeks pleasure, and it’s time to take
a step back and rethink the values
of our community. We have become
irresponsible; we have not been good
fathers or mothers and as a result,
our families are in serious trouble.
Let’s talk about family. How did
you and Nina meet?
We are high school sweethearts!
My wife, Nina, and I were the first
batch of National Junior College
students. In fact, our Prime Minister
Lee Hsien Loong was our classmate
and we would hang out together. Of
course, I made the first move back in
school and we dated for nine years,
through university and National
Service, before we got married.
based around positive and negative
reinforcement. We should not succumb
to the temper tantrums our children
throw; when my own kids kick up a fuss
in public, I’ll take them somewhere
quiet and have a word with them. The
idea is to teach them certain acceptable
behavioural patterns because if they get
used to a wrong pattern, it will become
part of their inert behaviour when they
grow older.
Often, I see many parents letting their
children roam wild when they are young
and then, start restricting them when
the kids grow older. It should be the
other way around! This is why when
my children grew older, we started
explaining and talking to them instead.
When it came to their studies, we only
wanted our children to do their best and
we would share our disappointment
when we knew they could do better. The
results they got were secondary to the
importance of the amount of effort they
put in though.
You’ve been married to Nina for 36
years! What are the secrets to such a
long-lasting marriage?
I believe that a deep sense of trust
must be established. The excitement
and the wow factor in a marriage will
slowly fade away but when the both
of you are committed to one another
and you’re committed to building
trust, then the relationship will reach
a deeper level. There will be ups and
downs in a marriage and there will be
times when you will not be happy with
each other, but when the trust has
been cemented and you remember the
trying moments the both of you have
gone through, then, everything will be
okay once again.
I’ve always believed that the foundation
to a strong marriage is not just love
but also a dogged commitment to one
another. There will be days when you
wake up and don’t feel good, and there
will be days when you wake up and feel
really excited. However, no matter how
we feel, we know we are committed to
serve and honour each other.
A funny story: we were actually
summoned by the college principal for
holding hands in public while wearing
our school uniforms! The principal gave
us a warning for this behaviour, so we
stopped holding hands when we were
in our uniforms.
I tell all the couples I meet that there
are no perfect marriages because
there are no perfect people. There are
no perfect husbands and wives, no
matter how much you think that when
the both of you are still dating! We
spend our whole lives trying to change
our spouses when we should spend
that time honouring, cherishing and
appreciating them for who they are and
what they’re good for.
What were some of yours’ and Nina’s
parenting philosophies?
We believe that parenting comes in
stages. When our children were young,
our approach was more disciplinarian
and we cultivated a behavioural pattern
Have you had any regrets in your life?
There have been several regrets
actually. But, if I were to rewind the
clock, I would return to the time
when my children were still in their
adolescent years. You see, at that
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Family & Life • May 2014