10MINUTESWITH...
Heather Lim
By Farhan Shah
COO of Carl Zeiss Southeast
Asia, Kettlebell Enthusiast and
Experimental Mother
Beneath her
petite exterior
and sunny
demeanour lies
a lean, mean,
kettebellswinging
mother who
had no qualms
putting her
11-year-old
alone on
an aeroplane
to Toronto.
My parents were civil
servants; my Dad was
a teacher and my Mum
was a nurse. However,
within the household,
my parents gave me a
lot of managed freedom
to do whatever I wanted.
I started doing a lot of
operas, plays, etc. It was
a happy childhood
of expression.
It is the same
philosophy that my
husband and I have
for our children – the
freedom of expression.
At the same time, we set an example for them
and equip them with the tools that would teach
them responsibility. For example, responsibility
for your health, which explains why all of us are
fitness enthusiasts!
We also believe in giving choices. For example, you
cannot order your children to eat their vegetables
if they do not want to. Instead, we decided to
introduce a wide variety of colourful vegetables
and let them choose which they preferred. They are
bound to hit one that they like.
We strongly advocate the spirit of independence.
When my second daughter Kathleen was 11, I
put her alone on an aeroplane that was flying
to Toronto so that she could see her aunt. To be
honest, it was a deliberated experiment and a
decision that I only went through after talking to
my friends and relatives.
I wanted Kathleen to have an experience. I did not
want her to live in the shadow of her elder sister
Ashley, who was more extroverted than her.
I knew Kathleen would be all right when I got a
phone call from her when she stopped over in
Tokyo. Somehow, she managed to change her
money at the money changer and find a payphone
to dial home. And remember, she was only 11!
I had tears in my eyes because even though I did
not ask her to call me when she was in Tokyo,
she did. My husband and I felt vindicated that our
efforts in bringing them up were paying off.
Experimental parenting! Yes, I get that from my
mom a lot of times. Of course, it is not just letting
them do whatever they want; I impose my own rules
on them. I strongly believe in respect and filial piety,
and constantly ingrain these in my two children.
12
Family & Life • Apr 2014
Respect is a two-way street. You cannot just expect
your children to respect you by virtue of your
position. I accord them the same level of respect
that I expect them to give me. It is something that
I apply even when they were little girls in Primary
Six and did not do so well in school. I did not flinch
although it was not an easy journey.
With the world and Singapore being incredibly
globalised, I think it might be time that we relook
at the subtler aspects of our education system,
especially the concept of meritocracy. We are
creating an elite group of scholars who are finding it
hard to integrate with the other classes of society.
We really should tell children that it is fine if they
do not become straight ‘A’ scholars. I think this is
something that many parents in Singapore have a
problem with. We ask our children who in school
is doing great, who did not do so well, etc. Is the
dinner conversation so limited that we can only talk
about grades?
As the COO of Carl Zeiss Southeast Asia, I have had
the pleasure of interviewing smart Singaporeans
and I must say that the ones with international
exposure tend to have a broader perspective on
issues and understand how important it is to bridge
the cultural gap between different classes. The ones
who studied exclusively in Singapore? Not so much.
They take things for granted. Everything is cosy for
them here, perhaps too cosy.
After 14 years of working in a global company,
I have come to realise that the people who are
purportedly the cream of the local crop are the ones
who unfortunately do not excel as much.
The youth who are agile and flexible will be the
ones who will inherit the world. You do not have to
be a specialist in your field. Instead, if you have the
smarts to be able to do multiple tasks competently
and produce good results, I would take you on board
over one person who is able to create excellent
results but only in one field.
It does get quite busy for my husband and me at
work but we try as much as possible to have dinner
at home with our children. All of us also have digital
shared calendars which helps and our schedules
quite set in stone. Of course, now that my two
daughters are flying overseas for their university
studies, the house will be a bit empty!
I have mixed emotions about their leaving. Sure, you
know you have to let them go sooner or later, so I
guess I just have to manage my emotions. I still have
my husband and two dogs though!