NURTURE
Signs That You A Helicopter Parent
Sometimes, you just
have to go against your
parental instinct and let
your children fall and hurt
themselves. Otherwise,
you’re just setting them
up for an even bigger fall
when they grow up.
Characteristics of
Helicopter Parents
Unsure whether you’re a helicopter
parent? Here is the checklist of the
three most common characteristics
displayed by a lot of helicopter
parents:
• Overscheduling
Instead of focusing on developing
traits such as self-reliance
and perseverance, helicopter
parents place great emphasis on
developing skills, sending their
young child to swimming classes,
gymnastics lessons, dance
schools, etc. on top of their school
schedule.
• Hovering at inappropriate places
It’s fine to hold your children’s
hands while crossing the road or
climbing the stairs but following
them around as they play at the
jungle gym or explore the library is
a sign of helicopter parenting.
• Personal Playtime Director
A helicopter parent will never
let the child get bored or play
by him or herself. Instead, he or
she will direct playtime to such
an extent that it might even be at
the detriment of his or her own
personal time.
We’re sure you’ve heard this
term pop up many times before in
conversations and articles but what
exactly are “helicopter parents”? They
are parents who constantly hover over
their children and are too eager to
step in to remove any obstacle or solve
any problem for their children the
moment it arises.
Helicopter parenting happens as a
result of:
• more children in the country being
brought up in small families, often
with only one or no siblings for them
to tussle with
• two working parents who feel a
certain amount of guilt and a need
to pamper their child when they are
together
• a domestic helper who is hired to
ensure the child is safe and well
Of course, while there is nothing wrong
with being a loving, concerned parent,
this “over-care and -protection” comes
at a cost.
Children learn from their mistakes.
As a parent, holding back and allowing
our children to make mistakes, to
fall down or to become frustrated
is understandably difficult. We feel
compelled to rush in and protect them,
to shield them from challenges, and to
remove any obstacles for them. Often,
we are swooping in because we don’t
want to see them upset, as it makes us
feel like we’re bad parents.
However, in the long run, these only
reduce our children’s motivation and
increase their dependency on us.
After all, children learn by repeating
a task until they have mastered it.
This helps them hone problem-
solving skills and develops the
perseverance and confidence needed
to tackle challenges.
If we intervene whenever we see them
struggle with a challenge, speak up
for them in difficult situations or even
finish off their homework, we deny
them valuable learning experiences
and send them the message that we
do not believe they are capable of
coping or fending for themselves . We
also deprive them of the opportunity to
experience that sweet taste of success
that comes after their hard work has
paid off! Ultimately, we rob them of the
chance to engage in the most critical
task of childhood – developing a strong
sense of self.
One of the long-term dangers of
being a “helicopter parent” when
your child is young is that, as they
grow older, they are more likely to be
extremely cautious in new situations
and so afraid of failure that they are
not able to try something new or take
calculated risks.
In his findings, Indiana University
psychologist Chris Meno found
a connection between helicopter
parenting and a difficulty in getting a
job after college. These children have
an overblown expectation of success
and status as well as a heightened
level of discomfort with uncertainty.
This makes it extremely difficult for
them to move into the world, excited
about the learning and adventures that
lie ahead of them. The research shows
a higher number of children with overcontrolling parents return home after
college unable to manage on their own.
Over-controlling parents are generally
motivated by a desire to support and
help their child, often by pushing them
16
Family & Life • Feb 2014
riel Education
Photography @ Julia Gab
3
Stop Hovering!
By Fiona Walker
ahead of their peer group in order to be
more successful. However, based on
research, the irony is that the reverse
actually occurs; the children become
less successful than their peer group
in the future.
Also, when these children become
adults, they are at high risk of
developing co-dependency issues (a
fixation on another person for approval,
sustenance, etc.) and are likely to
seek partners who are controlling,
just like his or her parents. They may
also develop depression, anxiety and
irrational fears.
The most important gifts we can give
our children are independence and
confidence. Parents who are reliable,
available, consistent and noninterfering
develop these skills in their children. It
takes courage to step back and watch
your child take a risk you know will end
up in a bumped knee or bruised ego,
but all of these experiences will enable
your child to develop the resilience they
will need going forward into the world.
We want our children to be able to
mutter under their breath: “I think I
can, I think I can, I think I can”. If we
spend too much time hovering over
them, or ordering the helper to hover
over them they are more likely to be
whining, “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I
can’t do it”.
As Henry Ford, famously said:
“Whether you think you can or
whether you think you can’t, you’re
probably right”.
Fiona Walker is the Principal of Schools / CEO
of Julia Gabriel Education. She holds a Masters
in Early Childhood Education and is a qualified
Montessori teacher with more than 20 years of
experience in providing quality education for
young children.