NURTURE
My child LIES
is that a problem?
Believe it or not, lying
indicates that your child’s
brain is developing!
Family & Life reveals the
different phases of lying
and how you should deal
with these stages.
Finding out for the first time that
your child is capable of lying can be a
disconcerting experience. You start to
wonder whether he or she is developing
into a pathological liar and begin fretting
about the course of action you should take
to nip this problem in the bud.
Child experts agree that there is one
course of action you can take: do nothing.
In fact, according to Associate Professor
of Psychology Angela Crossman from
John Jay College of Criminal Justice,
a pre-schooler with above-average IQ
surprisingly tends to lie more often.
Research also shows that a preschooler with an aptitude for lying
develops better social skills when they
become adolescents.
Of course, it is still important to educate
your child about the value of honesty.
Understanding the difference between a
lie that helps your little one’s development
and a lie that hurts the affected people will
help you guide your child.
The First Fibs (Before the age of 3)
Children usually begin lying between the
ages of 2 and 3, dishing out half-truths
and whole lies in order to gain something
for themselves. They could be trying to get
out of a disliked activity or deflecting the
blame away from themselves.
At this age, your children will not
understand that what they’re doing (lying)
is wrong. Getting angry and punishing
them will not serve any purpose except
make you frustrated and your child
confused and hurt. Instead, talk to
them about the direct consequences of
their action. For example, if your child
accidentally breaks a vase, keep calm and
point out to him or her that the vase has
been broken. Stop yourself from asking
your child who is responsible. He or she
will most likely point a finger at the sibling
or even an imaginary friend.
Tall Tales, Elastic Reality (Ages 3 – 5)
Your children will seem to have a tenuous
grasp on reality, believing strongly in
monsters under the bed and playing with
invisible friends. Occasionally, some of
your children’s tall tales might seem
troubling such as the sudden death of an
imaginary buddy, but it is important to
keep things in perspective.
The fantasy that your children have
constructed for themselves is actually one
of the ways for them to process new ideas
in life, such as the troubling concept of
death, without being overwhelmed.
Acknowledge and indulge their tall tales
during this period; it is an amazing age of
discovery for them.
The Start of the White Lie (Ages 6 – 8)
The ability to tell a white lie is an
important step in your children’s
development. It indicates that they’re
beginning to think about the people
around them instead of just themselves.
However, sometimes, your children
will also tell a not-so-white lie for
understandable and forgivable reasons.
Unlike the far-fetched fibs that your
children told when they were younger, the
untruths they construct now are usually
well-thought-out.
The key is to remain calm and uncover
the reasons behind the lie before taking
the appropriate action. For example, your
child might lie about feeling unwell to get
out of going to school because he or she is
actually being bullied by a classmate.
After weighing all the different
considerations and meting out the
punishment for the lie, it is imperative that
you explain to your child why he or she is
being punished in this way, and explain
the type of behaviour that you expect from
him or her.
According to an Associate Professor
of Psychology, a pre-schooler
with above average IQ surprisingly
tends to lie more often.
20
Family & Life • Oct 2013
Keeping Secrets (Ages 9 – 13)
You might notice a subtle shift in your
children’s behaviour around this age.
Before, they would tell you the full
rundown of what happened in school but
now, they become secretive and are vague
about the details of their day in school.
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