What Does “ Friend ” Mean ?
by Rebecca McLaughlin
In the New Testament , the Greek word most frequently translated as “ friend ” is philos . Jesus ’ words account for eighteen of its twenty-nine instances . But Jesus also uses philos to describe His own relationships : calling His disciples “ my friends ” ( Luke 12:4 ; John 15:14 ) and quoting critics calling Him “ a friend of tax collectors and sinners ” ( Luke 7:34 ).
In the Gospels , philos usually describes the connection between peers : for instance , when King Herod and the Roman governor Pilate become friends in the process of condemning Jesus ( Luke 23:12 ). But against our modern expectations , philos could also be used to describe hierarchical relationships : for instance , when those trying to get Jesus crucified tell Pilate he ’ s no friend of Caesar ’ s if he doesn ’ t find Jesus guilty ( John 19:12 ).
This context helps illuminate the next words out of Jesus ’ mouth after He says that there ’ s no greater love than laying down one ’ s life for one ’ s friends :
“ You are my friends if you do what I command you . No longer do I call you servants , for the servant does not know what his master is doing ; but I have called you friends , for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you .” ( John 15:14 – 15 )
In Jesus ’ sacrificial love , we see a radical reversal . The one who is our rightful master lays His life down for those who by all rights should be His servants . Jesus is the master , patron , and teacher — and yet He came “ not to be served but to serve , and to give his life as a ransom for many ” ( Mark 10:45 ).
Jesus ’ linking of deep friendship love to His own sacrifice for us means friendship is a vehicle of the gospel , not just because in friendship we speak gospel truth to one another ( though we should ), nor even just because we seek to speak the truth of the gospel to friends who don ’ t yet follow Jesus ( though we must ). Friendship is a vehicle for the gospel in the sense that its cross-shaped : formed for life laid down in love for others , just as Jesus laid down His own life for us .
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While Christian friendship can encompass more occasional connections , and the regular encouragement of seeing friends we mostly only see at church , it must not be confined to such relationships . We must be ready for the blood and sweat and tears that come with every heartarresting love . But friendship is not designed to replicate the other kinds of human bonds , but to complement them .
Before He left the table , Jesus rammed the point home one last time : “ These things I command you , so that you will love one another ” ( John 15:17 ). Jesus ’ disciples were sent out with the message of His great , self-sacrificing love for sinners . They were to shout it from the rooftops . But they were also to embody it in how they loved each other . If we are followers of Jesus , one way we will demonstrate our love for Him is by our love for one another . But Jesus never said this would be easy .
Adapted from No Greater Love : A Biblical Vision for Friendship by Rebecca McLaughlin . (© September 2023 ). Published by Moody Publishers . Used with permission .
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No Greater Love Rebecca McLaughlin Shows how powerful and precious Christian friendship is and how we can walk through the hurt that comes from broken friendship trust . ( Moody ) SC 9780802428929 $ 15.99 SALE $ 13.97