That’ s what resiliency looks like for most people; it’ s our ability to suppress and hide the pain and trauma we’ ve been through and to continue to keep living life. The moment we break down, stop moving and become bitter and angry everyone judges us and condemns us for exposing just how nonresilient we really are.
How am I able to still stand? How have I been able to be so resilient? How have I made it through with very few“ scars”?
I look at my life at several points and don’ t see the resiliency, the success the fighter spirit and wonder myself how and I still moving forward. The unhealthy relationship I have with my mother should have paralyzed me from being a mother. The way my children’ s fathers have turned their backs on me and in some cases their children should have made me bitter, angry, and against all men. The fact that there was no one to give me a handout, hot meal, floor to sleep on or bag of groceries when I needed them the most should make me so tightfisted and uncharitable that people would call me Ebenezer Scrooge. Well first let’ s be clear! I have plenty of battle scars, but most are on my heart and soul. I learned to suppress all the emotions that were associated with the negative situations in my life. By suppressing the emotions, I’ ve been able to hide the scars and prevent people from seeing how much I hurt.
But when you start to peel at the scabs and expose the scars in love with the intent of growing through what you’ ve gone through, you begin to truly become resilient. One of my closest friends told me that my success isn’ t measured in how much money I have or what material things I possess but in the strength I have and my ability to keep pressing forward in spite of everything. This is what resiliency really is. It’ s the ability to work through, grow through, and learn from everything that was meant to harm, destroy, and kill you. I really am resilient because I have been willing to do the work to heal and not just cover up my scars. I’ ve committed myself to no longer suppressing what has hurt me but instead gaining strength and knowledge from it. It is so easy to suppress and even easier to become angry and bitter because of things; that’ s why most people take either or both of these options, but it takes courage and strength to pick apart everything that ever hurt you and release it, learn from it and truly become resilient because of it. It’ s like the old saying what doesn’ t kill you makes you stronger; this is totally true but only when you take the time to do the work to become stronger and better because of it.
Now, why and when did I stop suppressing and start growing and learning? The moment I decided to accept the purpose for my life and truly become the Single Mom Sage. In that moment, I committed to turning my pain into purpose and helping other women to Stop Surviving and Start THRIVING! Well I can only do that if I’ m willing to learn my own lessons, if I am willing to stop surviving myself, if I’ m willing to truly become resilient. Because I was so strongly committed to my purpose I did the work even when I didn’ t want to. I knew that another woman needed me, that she was depending on me so I couldn’ t give up or quit when it got hard. I stopped caring about how those who had hurt me would feel and started caring about how I felt and what I needed to heal. I stopped focusing on what they did to me and instead focused on what I did or didn’ t do and what I could learn about myself from each situation.
FAITH HEART MAGAZINE I 33