site sex looks like from God’s
Word, while guiding them during
their dating time.
The first decision we make is
when to allow our children to start
dating. Should it be a chronological age or a maturity level which
demonstrates trustworthiness?
Once we have our answer, then
we need to decide solo dates or
group dates, with or without a
responsible adult to tags along.
Pastor Ernie Bowman of Hunters Creek Community Church
in Lapeer, Michigan believes
mature teens earn greater freedom when they show responsibility. Age and maturity are not
the same. Parents of younger
teens may insist their kids group
date and share the pick-up and
drop off drives with the other
parents. A lot can be learned
by observing interactions in the
car and from getting to know the
other parents. Older teens able
to drive are often allowed to solo
date without supervision. This
level takes quite a bit of maturity for these teens to keep a
level head in a dating relationship. Even with the best training
and safeguards, many Christian
teens struggle with refraining
from any sexual activity. This is
where a number of parents have
chosen to give more immediate
support for their son or daughter’s love life.
Chaperoning dates has a long
history of practice, although it is
finding a resurgence of interest
over the past several years. A
responsible adult accompanies
the young couple on their dates,
whether it is a parent or someone
chosen by the parents. Some
parents spend time at the same
table for dinner, in the same aisle
at the movie, and follow behind
them on long walks (IBLP,
2014). ” A lot of parents also
monitor texts and phone calls.
Pastor Bowman has a different
spin on it, “Dating is an activity
best pursued in the company of
your family, especially in adolescence. I would much rather my
son have his girlfriend over for
dinner at our house rather than
take her to a restaurant alone by
themselves. Likewise, I would
much rather have my daughter
bring her boyfriend along with us
to a baseball game, rather than
have her accompany him on an
activity by themselves. Not only
does this provide built in guards
for purity, but it also give the
two young people a chance to
learn about the other in a family
atmosphere, and stresses to the
potential suitor the importance
of the family over the individual.
How will he treat your mother?
How will she interact with your
annoying little brother? ‘We’ is a
greater concern than ‘I’, etc. This
highly involved approach may
make some teens dig their heels
into the ground as an act of defiance, “No one else has their
parents along on their dates!”
Showing our teens more families
also using the same approach
will help alleviate anxiety on
their part. This statement may
be true, but ultimately parents
are the ones who decide what’s
appropriate for them.”
children’s dating relationships,
even though their daughters are
in their early twenties. These
young ladies prefer it because
they trust their parent’s judgment. Their dates seem content
with it. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar have
the couple help set the rules and
boundaries of the relationship.
Chaperones have also been
brothers who are very picky and
protective of their sisters (VarmaWhite, 2014). Pastor Ernie has a
different view on siblings chaperoning dates. He feels some
siblings, especially if they are
younger, can easily be bribed.
It may breed some unhealthy
family dynamics between them.
Whether you agree or not, chaperoned dates effectively helps
most teens avoid toxic romantic relationships. Discussions
after the date should help bring
thoughtful consideration so our
sons and daughters can realistically see the dates’ character
traits through their behavior. It’s
easier for them to keep a proper
perspective on their relationship. Faith in God comes before
romantic interests.
Other families opt for chaperoning more at a distance with older
teens, but directly with younger
or less mature older teens. With
older sons and daughters, they
may choose to ride in the back
seat, drive the couple to their
destination, or drive following
behind the car. They sit nearby,
Similarly, chaperoning dates but not next to the couple.
may mean involving the couple Instead of eves-dropping on the
to help set the rules while using conversation, they watch intera variety of elements to build actions from a distance. The
a hedge of protection around couple is allowed some privacy
the budding relationship. The in their conversations. Parents
Duggar family, who seem to use a are able to intervene if a problem
modified form of courtship, prac- occurs or to offer advice more
tices close monitoring of their immediately after the date. The