Does Control Exist in Your Marriage ?
BY MICHELLE C . DANKO
When many of us think of control in marriage , we imagine this outright domineering person barking at their spouse . In our minds , we picture someone with visible displays of anger , and this is far from the truth . Additionally , a controlling person is difficult to spot in a relationship because their tactics are gradual , done out of “ concern ”, and erosion occurs very gradually over time . In fact , most people don ’ t recognize they are in a controlling relationship until isolation and low selfworth begin to creep in . Usually by then , the person is confused and doubting their own perceptions to recognize that they are indeed being controlled .
WHY WOULD A SOMEONE SEEK TO CONTROL THEIR SPOUSE ?
The reasons are varied without any real definitive answer . Some people control others because control happened in their home growing up . To them , it is a normal way of communication . Since control is usually bundled with phrases such as , “ I ’ m the only one who will tell you the truth ” and “ I say this because I
care about you ”, it appears as if the person is just doing these things because they love you . This way of communicating in families becomes the norm as children don ’ t witness any other exchange .
Other reasons include low selfesteem , or poor past relation-