the child is 100 % of that which is conveyed to a parent , creating a false image and probable resentment . Even a quickly resolved issue can become a defining issue to a parent . For instance , a husband may mishandle household funds one time . The wife , in her frustration , shares with her parents the husband ’ s fiscal irresponsibility . Because it is not natural for the wife to share her husband ’ s usually responsible handling of money , her parents may mistakenly assume their son in-law is fiscally reckless , defining him as a spendthrift . This erroneous view of their son in-law could easily create a rift in their relationship with him which could take years to reverse .
PROPER DISPUTE RESOLU- TION
Conflicts arise in the best of marriages . The Biblical method of dispute resolution will mitigate long term effects and protect the reputations of both marriage partners . Matthew 18:15 - “ If your brother sins against you , go and tell him his fault , between you and him alone . If he listens to you , you have gained your brother .” If Jesus commands believers to go to a brother or sister with whom we find fault , how much more should a husband or wife , lovingly and directly confront issues in marriage ? To not deal with issues directly invites bitterness to set in . When this bitterness manifests itself in complaints to parents , the bitterness festers and grows outside the home and has fuel to grow . In light of the above passages from Ephesians , both husband and wife must seek one another ’ s best interests . The goal of any action taken during a dispute or any attempt to modify a negative behavior is the growth of each individual and strengthening of the marriage . This cannot happen when a biased third party , such as a parent is given a negative impression . A more appropriate method of involving parents , seeking the wisdom of their experience , would be for both spouses to approach either set , or both sets of parents , together seeking guidance . This allows for the comfort and love of parental guidance without creating a faction or a negative image for either spouse . By approaching parents together , the marriage remains a unit and each spouse is able to retain their reputation and standing with the in-laws .
Another important component in mutually involving parents in a marital situation is to highlight positive aspects of the relationship . This will give parents peace of mind to know their child is properly loved and cared for . When parents know their child is loved and respected , the in-law relationship takes on a respectful tone rather than combative and frees parents to react more objectively in a negative situation . Parents are a valuable resource given by God for continued guidance and support , which is why it is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship between in-laws .
Finally , the ultimate goal of any believer is to give glory to God . 1Corinthians 10:31 - So , whether you eat or drink , or whatever you do , do all to the glory of God .
Whenever a believer speaks about a spouse , whether it is to a parent or otherwise , he or she must ask , “ will this glorify God ?” Complaining to a parent about a spouse can only have a negative impact . A husband or wife expects to be protected and cherished , not denigrated to his or her in-laws . By properly representing one another to parents , a husband or wife creates a flow of mutual respect between spouse and in-laws , strengthening those relationships . God is honored when partners honor one another .
Paul Ahnert is a home church pastor and blogger , committed to discipleship . Paul lives in Knoxville Tn . You can read his blog at www . ahnertthoughts . blogspot . com . You can contact Paul on Facebook or follow him on twitter @ RealPaulAhnert .