Faith Filled Family Magazine August 2016 | Page 58

fault. She took overtime when
possible to help stay afloat.
She began returning the flirtations of a co-worker. Steve
tried to work things out with
her, but she continued flirting.
He felt her pulling away and
heated arguments followed.
Friends and family members
urged them to work on their
marriage, so they agreed to
go through counseling sessions with their pastor. They
were able to restore their marriage through dedication and
hard work. Reconciliation is
better as our first response,
instead of running the other
way (1 Corinthians 7:11).
Struggling marriages can be
turned around if both are willing to do the work it takes to
restore the marriage. Onesided efforts do not work (Williams). Stacie* was concerned
that her husband Jim*, who
had been verbally and emotionally abusive to her, might
turn to physical violence to
control her after one really bad
argument. She packed up her
belongings and left while Jim
was at work. He wanted her to
come back, but she insisted
that he must be willing to go
through counseling before
she would come back. He
refused and filed for divorce.
She wanted to work things
out through a safe means, but
he did not. We cannot control
other people’s decisions, we
can only take charge of our
own.
CONTRIBUTORS
TO
DIVORCE
Modern Christian couples
juggle a lot of responsibilities
mixed with confusing mes-

sages about what priorities
couples should have. Pressures from work, family, and
finances cause stress on
these couples. If a husband
and wife have mixed priorities about what comes first,
second, third, then there
is bound to be an argument. Couples who marry
really young are not as wellequipped to deal with the
stresses on their young marriages, so it’s common for
them to give up rather than
learn how to work it out. Role
models for Christian marriages are not always available, especially if the married
couple does not attend
church regularly. Without
studying the Bible and praying together, most couples
are not able understand
God’s design for marriage.
It is certainly no wonder
the statistics do not appear
much different between nonChristians and Christians.
What most troubled marriages experience is a breakdown in communication
which causes difficulty working through conflict. It takes
open hearts and open minds
to actually hear each other’s
hearts in a matter. The difficulty often comes when a
tug of war forms, fighting to
win rather than arguing for
a solution. After one’s heart
takes a pummeling too many
times, the exit door looks
very inviting.
STEPS
TO
MARITAL
BREAKDOWN
Marriages degrade subtly at
first. It usually begins when
the rose-colored glasses of
blind love come off to see

our mates as real people
with flaws. Dysfunctional
flaws or not, some Christians may begin to feel the
imperfection s are intolerable and have to change.
The momentum picks up
quickly when relationships
begin to erode through quiet
jabs of disrespectful words
and behaviors. When each
person winces with pain,
we detach from each other
while the flame of love
flicker bleakly. Detachment
happens because the pain
hits us where it hurts the
most. The point of no return
is when the damage feels
like too much, so someone
wants out (Becky Whetstone, 2015).
C O N S I D E R AT I O N S
BEFORE DIVORCE
If you are thinking of throwing
in the towel, there are some
changes you may or may not
be aware of, but might want
to seriously consider, that
result after divorce. First,
divorce causes a drastic life
change and it’s not easy.
Instead of having a stable
income between the two of
you, there would only be one
income to live on. If you are
ordered by a judge to pay
alimony and child support,
it will take a huge chunk out
of your paycheck. Another
financial issue may hit years
down the road in your retirement fund. Michael* shared
that he has to work much
longer than he expected
because his retirement funds
were affected in the divorce
settlement. This happens
mostly to men, but it takes a
chunk out of women’s pock-