Faith Filled Family Magazine August 2016 | Page 39

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.Denial: “This can’t be hap- it is to forgive. And the fact that
pening to me.”
He was “yet without sin” is not
meant to condemn our inability
.Anger: “Why is this happen- to do the same, but to stir thanking? Who is to blame?”
fulness that He did what He had
to do to finish the Father’s plan
.Bargaining: “Make this not of salvation. So that we can be
happen, and in return I will free.
____.”
I mention the stages of grief also
.Depression: “I’m too sad to so that you don’t get caught up
do anything.”
in guilt over your feelings. They
are normal. But don’t get stuck.
.Acceptance: “I’m at peace If you see you or a friend are getwith what has happened.”
ting stuck in any of these stages,
get help from a pastor, counAt times you may feel stuck in selor, professional or friend.
one of these stages. For exam- Grieve well
ple, you might not feel ready to
let go of your anger. Or you may I lost my mother when I was
feel guilty about some detail of twelve and partly due to cultheir death. Or perhaps you are ture and partly due to governstarting to feel an overwhelming ment requirements, we bury our
fear of losing someone else. But deceased within two days to a
if you do stay in one place for too week of death. In the United
long, you will not be able to heal. Kingdom, burials can happen
Hebrews 4:15 (NKJV)
up to a couple of months after
death, depending on the culture
“For we do not have a High of the person and circumstances
Priest who cannot sympathize around death. In Middle-Eastern
with our weaknesses, but was in countries, burial occurs on the
all points tempted as we ar e, yet same day unless relatives have
without sin.”
to travel from afar.

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Thankfully, we don’t have a
Father who stands off to the side
with folded arms mumbling: “Just
get over it”. Psalm 56:8 says: “8
You number my wanderings; Put
my tears into Your bottle”. What
a beautiful picture of a Father
who even counts the tears we
shed.
He sent His Son Jesus to live
a life that was specifically not
free from hurts and temptations
so that we could know that “He
knows”. He knows the pain, how
difficult it is to let go of the pain,
how much it hurts and how hard

A few years ago, I was privileged
to share in the mourning process of a dear Turkish friend for
her deceased brother. I was initially very uncomfortable. I suppose in Western Culture, we are
“mourn-averse” and I definitely
didn’t think sitting in one place
crying all day would be helpful.
But the more time I spent with
her, the more I saw the beauty of
community members 1. Bringing
food for the grieving family and
coming to clean her home and
tend to her children, 2. Coming
to sit with her, letting her cry and
talk about her brother, 3. Letting

her ask all the “Why” questions
and 4. Going with her to the
grave daily, as is their custom.
I began to realize that I am poorer
for the fact that I did not grieve
my mother’s death properly.
Western culture very much shies
away from anything uncomfortable and especially being faced
with the tangible reminder that
we will all one day, die. My friend
went through so many of the
stages of grief in the first few
days that took me months and
even years to get through. I am
not saying the Middle-Eastern
way is perfect as it relies heavily
on superstition, tradition, folklore
and Islam, but there is a lot to
be said for making sure we don’t
skip or shortcut the mourning
process.
WHY AM I MENTIONING THIS?
Because I believe (and studies
have shown) the actual funeral
is a very important part of the
grieving process.
Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., notes the
following mourning needs that
are met by the funeral itself (2):
1.The mourner acknowledges
the reality of death;
2.The mourner moves towards
the pain of the loss;
3.The mourner remembers the
person who died;
4.The mourner begins to develop
a new self-identity;
5.The mourner begins a search
for meaning and
6.The mourner begins to receive
ongoing support from others.
Difficult as it is, the funeral or