Sure, that's a lot of questions to ask. But if you haven't considered them — or don't know the answer to them — you haven't done your homework. Approach it like any other significant investment you make.
5. How your behavior affects that experience
Parents are equally as important to a child's positive lacrosse experience as the coach of the team, or the league they play in. Attend games, but be supportive and not overbearing. Positive reinforcement encourages learning and fun. Research has shown that a ratio of five positive statements — compliments and positive recognition — for each negative statement — criticisms and corrections — is ideal for helping young athletes do their best.
But too much external praise can hinder the maturation process. "One-third of my speaking engagements are to businesses. Managers say young workers don't know what to do unless someone else tells them," said Madeline Levine, a psychologist and the co-founder of Challenge Success, a project born at the Stanford School of Education. "They need to be told every day that they're doing well instead of once a year."
Negative parental behavior also can have an adverse effect on the recruitment of a child. High school lacrosse players far outnumber opportunities available. Stagnitta, a former Division I coach at Rutgers and Division III coach at Washington & Lee, said college coaches "look for reasons not to recruit guys."
The negative behavior parents engage in that's most alarming to coaches on the recruiting circuit: unsportsmanlike sideline conduct.
"Coaches are always aware of parents' behavior on the sidelines," Stagnitta said. "It's one of the first questions they ask. You're sitting there and you see parents doing that, and you know it's a four-year hitch. There's enough guys out there, the character of the parents and the personality and how they conduct themselves and how they interact with the coaches and how they act on the sidelines, in a lot of ways, is going to carry as much weight as the player. All things being equal, you're going to go with the kid who has the most character as a family."
Said Fried: "On the sidelines, how are parents talking to their daughter, or the other players? We want parents who are supporting their kid and their team. What about the way they're interacting with officials? Are they talking to other people, or are they off to the side by themselves? After the game, are the parents going over stats or what their kid did individually? Those behaviors are the most recognizable."
It's about balance. It's about positive but not constant reinforcement. And it's not about you. It's about your child.