FACSAFoundation.org Shattering The Silence Tour Documentary Project | Page 45

The problem with sex for too many survivors is that we’ve never done it “right”.
We never grew into a loving relationship that developed into a sexual relationship
through desire. Too many women in general and survivors in particular only
experience sex through “obligation”. Obligatory sex is not a turn-on, not fun, not
exciting and not desirable. When obligatory sex is the only sex you’ve had, then
no wonder you stop having it as soon as you can! Sex is not something you do
“with someone”. There are a lot of very bad, degrading, exploitive messages that
make it difficult to derive pleasure from sex in real life. Survivors who have been
introduced to sexuality from grossly distorted perspective, my even choose a
partner that mimics the demands of violators. If this is all women know, then this
is what they accept, but will not find it pleasurable. So they become resistant and
men often feel rejected; then they give in, and hate it when they give in… a
vicious cycle of rejection and resistance that ends in failed sexual relations and
terminated relationships. The way to repair sexual interest and performance is to
allow desire to arise in you, without any pressure from anyone. Then when it does
arise, you and your partner agree that you get to control the entire experience,
and that an orgasm is the expected outcome. Now, that is not a one-time shot.
Like all of healing this takes time and practice, time and practice. The point is, first
take charge of your sexuality, for your own sake, so that you share yourself with a
partner, rather than give yourself to someone.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Talking-Trees-Adult-Survivors-of-ChildhoodSexual-Abuse/157082910999500