FACSAFoundation.org Shattering The Silence Tour Documentary Project February 2015 Volume 3 | Page 13

everyone will fit into the mold you fantasize as your soul mate; and trying to
make them into what you want will only lead to a lot of heart of ache. If you are
dating an abusive partner, regardless of how much you love them, you have to ask
yourself, is this someone I would want to have children with. Would I want my
children to be yelled at and belittled for every little thing they do wrong? Your
children deserve better than that; you deserve better than that. If you have
someone in your life that is physically and verbally abusive to you, you need to tell
your family, a teacher, a counselor, the FACSA Foundation, or an adult who will
listen; and keep telling until someone listens. Abused friends and family will
demonstrate the following behaviors:
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Their partner controls what they say; who they talk to; where they go; and
how they dress
They may/will be manipulated with money by their abuser
Their partner will make them fearful by actions or looks
Hitting them; leaving bruises and cuts
verbally abusing them
be isolated from friends and family
will take up for abuser; and may mention their abuse but laugh it off as a
joke
they will try to please the abuser in anyway, but nothing will ever please
them
believe they are their partners possession
Is always blamed for their partners mistakes and faults
Has been sexually assaults by their partner
Know the facts about relationship abuse.
Give assurance that you believe your friend’s story.
Listen and let her share her feelings.
Do not judge or give advice. Talk about available options and resources.
Physical safety is the first priority. If you believe a friend is in danger, voice
that concern. Help create a safety plan.
Respect your friend’s right to confidentiality.
Say that you care and want to help.
Don’t be upset if your friend doesn’t react the way you think she should. Let
her talk about the caring aspects of the
relationship as well. People who
are being controlled by their partner’s
behavior must consider many
factors before coming to a conclusion about how to access safety. Let her
make her own decisions and support her throughout the process.
Give clear messages, including: