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Approach gently. Don’ t raise the topic in a stressful moment or while they are driving. Make sure you are in a calm, quiet place without distractions. Start with something like,“ I’ m worried about your driving,” not,“ You need to stop driving.” Ask how they feel about driving and if they’ ve noticed any changes. Gently share what you’ ve observed.
Anticipate emotion. As with any tough conversation, both you and your loved one will likely experience a mix of emotions. There may be anger, defensiveness, frustration and sadness. Listen for these emotions. Pause and take a deep breath before responding. Acknowledge and validate:“ I hear you are upset; that’ s okay and normal.”
Find areas of agreement. You likely both agree that you want your loved one— as well as other motorists, pedestrians and cyclists— to be safe. Where else might you see eye-to-eye, even if you disagree in the moment?
Lead with love. Start by affirming that you care about your loved one. Go back to that as often as you need. Be understanding. Tell them you know how important driving is and that any changes would be a big transition.
The first conversations( yes, there may be a few!) may be more emotional than practical. But wherever you can offer solutions or suggestions, do it from a place of partnership. Use statements like,“ We’ ll figure this out together,” or“ Here’ s how I’ ll help.”
In some situations, you may feel the need to take more extreme or immediate actions to keep your loved one— and others on the road— safe, like hiding car keys or removing your loved one’ s car. While these actions come from a place of concern and prioritizing safety, they may lead to conflict or confusion. Talk with your loved one’ s doctor, social worker and others in the Parkinson’ s community to gather input and guidance.
Other Tips to Keep in Mind
As you talk about driving with your loved one, also keep in mind:
A driving assessment may be useful. A driving rehabilitation specialist( typically an occupational therapist) evaluates whether a person can safely drive and makes recommendations, such as stopping or limiting driving to only during daylight, side roads or a few miles from home, for example. They also can suggest driving courses or adaptations to support safe driving. Ask your doctor for a referral, or search online, for a driving rehabilitation specialist. Insurance coverage varies; if this is cost-prohibitive, you might consider taking a driving test through the Department of Motor Vehicles or another organization, such as the American Automobile Association( AAA).
Consider other transportation options. Even if you have limited public transportation, there are ways to get around. Family, friends and neighbors can pitch in. There are also rideshare and senior or medical transport services. Check the local department on aging and ask your social worker for specifics. Consider other modes of transport as well, such as walking or biking to certain activities, if safe.
I’ ll ask the kids to help reinforce things like driving concerns. I also track what I observe, because Jeff’ s self-perception doesn’ t always match what I see. It’ s a delicate balance.
Heather Butchen
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