70
Recognize When to Step in— and When to Step Back
When it comes to daily activities, many care partners wonder when to assist, when to take over and when to let their loved one keep on, even if an activity is more difficult or takes longer. The biggest deciding factor is the safety of you and your loved one. Are they at risk of injuring themselves, or you, in some way? If the answer is yes or maybe, it’ s probably best to intervene.
Allow your loved one to continue performing tasks that are within their ability and comfort level. If they appear to be frustrated or struggling, don’ t immediately jump in or take over. Instead, gently offer:“ Would it be helpful if I put that on the shelf for you?” or“ Can I pick that up off the floor for you?”
I didn’ t anticipate how much I would have to take over. You think of your partner as an independent adult, but eventually, it becomes more like a caretaker role. It’ s a shift in dynamics— you’ re now the one overseeing everything.
Heather Butchen
Recognize your own irritation or discomfort, too. When you feel friction, ask why. Is it sadness that simple things are no longer so simple? Frustration with how Parkinson’ s is impacting your lives?
Some tasks also may be done in different ways or to different standards than previously set. Maybe the bed isn’ t made as neatly, or the dishes aren’ t stacked as cleanly. Consider whether it’ s time to adjust your own personal expectations, preferences or approaches.
This is another area where communication is key. In a quiet, relaxed moment— not in the middle of a task— ask your loved one how they feel about certain activities, where you think you could help and how they want you to do so. Use a recent example if you have one.“ You looked tired folding the laundry, so I took over. I realize that I should have asked how you felt and if you wanted my help. Do you want to keep folding every time we do laundry? Would you rather collect the dirty clothes or load the washer, or step out of laundry duty altogether?”
Bernard( right) and husband Constantin sit down to breakfast at home in New York City. Constantin enjoys cooking for Bernard.
Table of Contents