A Helping Hand
Julie Porter
Julie provides long-distance support to her lifelong friend, Becca.
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Becca and I have been friends since we were 10 months old. Despite the physical distance between us, we’ ve always been there for each other. Becca was diagnosed with Parkinson’ s at 39, after giving birth to her daughter as a single mom.
The joy in our relationship comes from our friendship; it’ s not specific to Parkinson’ s. It’ s from having good phone conversations, spending time together, seeing our kids together, who are like cousins. Despite this disease, it’ s not rare for Becca to just enjoy herself.
When Becca decided to have deep brain stimulation surgery in 2021, I helped coordinate support with another one of our childhood friends. She had the surgery in two parts, one side of her brain at a time. The first time, our friend stayed with her immediately before and following the surgery, and then I took over a few days later. We made sure we had all her local contacts and created a system to communicate updates. We basically acted as her informal support team, gathering and distributing key information.
I happen to be well-connected in the neurology community because of my work with the Huntington’ s Disease Foundation. That background can be a helpful resource. When she was first diagnosed with Parkinson’ s in 2013, I referred her to a neurologist I knew, so I was somewhat involved from the start.
Becca still drives, works and takes care of her daughter and her dog. She has someone helping with basic tasks— more like a personal assistant— as she’ s still very independent. Although her Parkinson’ s has progressed to a certain degree she still manages well, largely because of the deep brain stimulation surgeries.
If you want to help a friend with Parkinson’ s, you need to be specific. Ask something like,“ Can I take your daughter to school?” And in general, friends are more likely to help if you’ re direct. That’ s sometimes different from how it works with family.
Don’ t be afraid to have a full friendship. Talk about your own life, too. It should go both ways. When my dad passed away, Becca asked how I was doing during that time. She doesn’ t want to only talk about herself. I’ m not just here to support her Parkinson’ s journey. We’ re part of each other’ s lives in a full, rounded way.
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