A Journey of Love and Transformation
34
Josip Markus
Josip moved back home in 2019 to provide care for his father.
My father, Alojz( or Louie, as many know him), came to Ohio in 1967 as a political refugee from Croatia. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’ s in 2006. By 2019, his Parkinson’ s had progressed and his mobility declined. I left California and returned to my childhood home to care for him full-time.
I approached caregiving the way I approached everything else in my life: with research, planning and a belief that I could control outcomes if I worked hard enough. I thought if I could create the right environment, find the right help and establish the right routines, everything would fall into place. I thought I understood what I was stepping into.
Being an only child and my father’ s sole caregiver has been the hardest and most transformative experience of my life. I wish we had another caregiver I could fully trust and depend on, someone who feels like family. We’ re on our third caregiver now; hopefully she’ ll work out. But most days, it’ s just us, figuring it out as we go.
In 2022, my father broke both of his arms and became completely dependent on me for most of the year. That’ s when I learned what caregiving actually requires: surrender to the uncertainty of each day, to my limitations and to my discomfort. I needed to be kind and compassionate to myself and acknowledge that I was always doing my best— even when I had nothing left to give.
My job is to show up and love my father, even if I disagree with his choices. He’ s still a sovereign being. I can’ t force him to make the choices that I think are best. It’ s his life and his body, and he gets to decide. I offer support, invite him to try things and plant seeds of possibilities. We take a walk together every day. That routine keeps us connected to each other and to life itself. If he says no to other things, I let it go. If he resists, I give him space. The most meaningful support doesn’ t come from equipment or systems; it comes from the love, patience and presence that guides everything we do.
Initially, I focused on everything I was walking away from to be a caregiver. Over time, I realized I’ ve been blessed with a profound gift. I’ ve sacrificed so much— freedom to travel, access to my communities, the flexibility of my old life— but I no longer say I“ lost” anything. What I’ ve gained caring for my father has changed me in ways I never imagined.
My father guided me into this world; I’ m slowly guiding him out of it. The sacred circle of life is closing, and I’ m honored to bear witness and to show up in service each day. The time I’ ve spent caring for my father will stay with me for the rest of my life as one of my most cherished memories.