Extol June-July 2018 | Page 20

EXPERIENCE Into the Mountains A Journey of Loss And Acceptance in Wyoming STORY & PHOTOS BY MIRANDA MCDONALD “Are you meeting someone in Jackson Hole?” inquired the lady sitting next to me on the plane. I wondered if she was genuinely curious or simply making conversation because she felt as anxious as I did about the turbulence currently bombarding our tiny aircraft. “No,” I choked out as I tightly gripped the arm rest of my seat. At this point, my stomach felt like it was permanently lodged in my throat. “I am actually spending the week alone.” “Oh. What brings you to Wyoming?” she continued. Her confusion now momentarily 18 EXTOL : JUNE/JULY 2018 replacing the fear. with on the trails. They say groups of three are best!” As I looked down at the backpack wedged between my feet, I thought of the list of possible answers I could give her: a failed marriage, the two years of utter confusion that followed, or I could describe the overwhelming guilt I carried with me every day since the moment I decided to leave my old life behind. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t the bears I feared. I wanted to explain to her that I was embarking on a spiritual journey with this trip, and that I hoped to unpack all that guilt I had strapped on my back so many months ago and leave it on those trails in the mountains. “I am here to hike in Grand Teton National Park and do some writing.” I decided to keep it simple. “That sounds nice,” she replied. “Be sure to take some bear spray and try to find other hikers to walk Besides the wildlife tour I had booked two days prior to my departure, lightening my mental load was the only thing I had really planned for the trip. Oh, but there was the minor detail of finding a place to sleep for three nights. I had thought