EXPLORING TRANSITIONS
SOCIAL EXCLUSION –
WHY IS MY TEEN LEFT OUT?
Dr Angela Mornane answers your questions about teen issues.
‘My 13-year-old teenage son is never invited to birthday
parties. He never complains, but I can see by his face that it
affects him – especially when there are some parties on the
same street. It is also very hard for us as parents.’
O
ne of the biggest worries for parents
is knowing that their child is feeling
excluded or simply not fitting in socially
with other children of the same age.
Social exclusion is one of the most common
issues that children (and parents) face
in early childhood and teenage years.
Navigating the teenage years can be difficult,
as there seem to be so many variables
that can influence how a child socialises
with others. Adolescent development is a
transitional period emotionally, physically,
intellectually and socially. Moving from
primary school to high school, the onset
of puberty, the struggle for independence,
and the developing brain maturity can
be a combination that is stressful if not
addressed or supported. Teenagers need
to feel they ‘fit in’ with the ‘cool group’,
and their identity formation is part of this
developmental stage. While this can be
a very confusing time your teen, there
are some things you can do to make the
journey a little easier for your child.
Here are some suggestions:
¡¡ School is where much of the socialising
happens; however, there are many other
opportunities to develop friendships away
from that environment. Have gatherings
at your place but keep the number of
friends small and even (two or four
people) so no one is left out.
¡¡ Instead of having birthday parties
for each child in your family, have
an annual party, such as Halloween.
This means there is one event (rather
than multiple events over the course
of the year), and you get a multi-age
grouping. You can also ask parents
to these events, so that you can foster
relationships with others that will also
extend the family’s social circle.
¡¡ If your child is not invited to parties in
the street, which can be particularly
upsetting as it is going on in front of the
child, you need to find something else
fun to do while that party is happening.
Visit a zoo, local park or take them out
for a milkshake or something different
that they will enjoy.
¡¡ Have a conversation about what
true friendship looks and feels like.
‘You won’t always be included, but
that’s O.K. Your real friends will always
value you for who you are.’
¡¡ We meet new friends throughout our
lives, so cultivate opportunities to
develop positive relationships in a range
of contexts: school, local community
and sporting groups, family, family
friends. Your child is an individual who
will have his/her own interests. Find an
interest that he or she enjoys and is
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