DEVELOPMENT
Challenge your reasoning We say : “ Yes ” to things , often reluctantly , because it ’ s easier than explaining why we don ’ t want to do something – or because we don ’ t want to hurt someone ’ s feelings or have a difficult conversation . Instead , start by asking : “ Why not ?” Investigating what a potential yes involves helps you clarify your reasoning . It can help you determine the right thing for you , the others involved and the organisation ( if it ’ s a business-based decision ). With those perspectives in hand , you gain confidence that your No isn ’ t a reaction you ’ ll regret later but a well-reasoned response .
How to get better at saying no at work , and why it matters
When it comes to the ingredients for career success , people are often encouraged to think that they should say : “ Yes !” to everything that comes their way . This may make those around you happy – but it ’ s unlikely to meet your needs , suggests Michelle Gibbings
Communicate specifically Be clear in your communication . Just saying : “ No ” and nothing else can be interpreted as rude or disinterested . Instead , express your statement positively and explicitly . Here is a recent responses I got and liked : “ My general philosophy in life is to have a big YES inside you regarding your purpose and goals so that you know what you want to do . This makes it easier to say NO to things that don ’ t fit with that . So I ’ m going to say no , not for any reason other than it would take time away from things that I prefer to dedicate my limited spare time to .”
This response was good for three reasons : w The reason for the decline was unambiguous w The tone was correct ; there was no need to apologise w It was fast . I got the “ no ” within an hour of my making the request .
THE EXPERT
Michelle Gibbings is a workplace expert . She is the author of ‘ Step Up : How to Build Your Influence at Work ’, ‘ Career Leap : How to Reinvent and Liberate your Career ’ and the new book ‘ Bad Boss : What to do if you work for one , manage one or are one ’.
As an in-demand EA , it is probably not unusual to find yourself agreeing to things you don ’ t want to do ; being over-worked and under-appreciated . In time you may feel resentful , and you will struggle to find the balance that works for you . An essential part of avoiding burnout and having the career you want is learning how and when to say “ No ” successfully . And a crucial part of this is being ready and willing to deliver your this response with courage , compassion and conviction .
Know your no Acclaimed author Paulo Coelho said : “ When you say ‘ yes ’ to others , make sure you are not saying ‘ no ’ to yourself ”. Knowing when you want to say no establishes boundaries , clarifies what matters to you and helps you prioritise . For example , in the context of a negotiation , it helps outline what ’ s open to discussion . When you know your counterpart ’ s “ no ”, you ’ re better aware of where they ’ re willing to compromise . Likewise , for them , your areas of optionality .
To communicate effectively the content of the message matters , and does delivery . The message gets lost if you ’ re too wordy , wishy-washy and confusing . Stand in your conviction and back yourself by delivering the message with resolve and compassion for other people ’ s needs .
Value relationships Be genuine in your response and make sure you are open to hearing the other person ’ s point of view . They have the right to express disappointment or discontent about your “ no ” to something they want . Listen and ensure they feel heard . Also , be fast with your response . If you delay , it can make the situation harder for the other person in terms of making an alternative plan .
Don ’ t ruminate Once you ’ ve said : “ No ”, be comfortable with your decision and move on . A successful career is a longterm game , which means it ’ s crucial to back yourself and your needs . Saying “ no ” is a vital part of that . S michellegibbings . com
Summer Issue 2024 | Executive PA 53