DEVELOPMENT
of Washington who studies reciprocity. By
collecting biofeedback data on couples discussing
hot-button issues in their relationships, he was
able to predict the outcome of tense conversations
with 96 percent accuracy.
If the initiator opened the conversation
harshly, their partner responded in kind. When
the initiator opened the conversation with
appreciation and warmth, the conversation
almost invariably ended on the same note.
If you start a conversation warmly, you will get
a much better outcome than if you do not.
Seven golden rules
to supercharge your
communication skills
Communication is a key item in an EA’s
professional tool-kit. Petris Lapis’ seven
communication rules will help keep your
professional conversations top-notch.
THE EXPERT
Petris Lapis has worked
in accounting, law,
academia, banking,
business and training.
She has consulted for
government and industry
and published several
books and hundreds of
papers. She has studied
commerce, law, coaching,
NLP and hypnosis. Petris
is a rower, a coach and a
mum to two teenagers.
She loves warm sunny
days, great food,
laughter, exercise and
moments of calm.
In your role, great communication is a powerful
and necessary skill for success and poor
communication skills are the slippery path to
chaotic outcomes and upset colleagues. You
can supercharge your communication skills by
remembering a few golden rules.
RULE 1 Everyone is different
Everyone thinks, feels, communicates and
understands differently, which is why you get
odd responses to some of your communications.
Good communication targets the recipient and
the way they will best receive and understand the
message.
RULE 2 Listen
Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing
refers to the soundwaves that pass into your ear.
Listening is much more than that and is the most
important communication skill you can develop.
Most of us only listen a small percentage of the
time. There are lots of things you can do to show
someone you are listening, but the best way is
simply to be present and interested. Focus on
what the person is saying with the intention of
understanding and without doing another task at
the same time.
RULE 3 The reciprocity super power
Dr John Gottman is a psychologist at the University
58 Chief of Staff | Issue 3 2019
RULE 4 Are you literal or inferential?
We can listen and speak either inferentially
or literally. When it comes to giving negative
feedback, a literal person will say exactly what
they think while an inferential person will suggest
there might be a problem you could consider
fixing. In their world, the inferential person has
communicated quite clearly there is a problem,
but a literal listener may not have picked up
that message. It helps if you communicate
your message in a way the other person will
understand. If they are a literal listener, you may
need to be more direct.
RULE 5 Brevity is appreciated
We live and work in a world where the average
person now allegedly has a shorter attention
span than a goldfish. A good communicator
understands this and gets to the point
quickly. Leave out unnecessary details in your
communication so it is easier for the other person
to follow and retain interest.
RULE 6 Speak mindfully or not at all
Speak only if what you have to say would lead
to a positive or better outcome for yourself, the
other person and the situation. This does not
mean you never give negative feedback or that
you let people talk all over you. It means that you
speak always with respect and at a time and in a
way that is helpful. If saying something will not
change anything, then sometimes it is better to
say nothing.
Consider your motive for speaking and
whether you intend to hurt or help. Words can
create happiness or suffering. Choose them
wisely. Speaking negatively has an adverse
impact on office productivity.
RULE 7 The granny rule
I learned this rule from a communication
consultant at Brutal Pixie. It is the litmus test for
all your communication. Ask yourself, ‘Is tshis
how I would communicate with my granny?’ If
not, then start again. S
www.petrislapis.com