Manifestation
PTSD
Nightmares in which you relive the event. You
wake up in terror covered in sweat feeling as
if you have just been in that situation again.
Hyper vigilance, you are continually planning
escape routes and considering how to handle
a situation if you are attacked again. You find
that you lie awake listening to every single
noise.
Startling easily, at the smallest noises and
sudden movements scare you.
Withdrawing from others, you find that you
would rather be on our own in a safe, secure
environment.
Avoiding situations, that remind you in any
way of the trauma.
Talking about the event, either you talk about
it incessantly, or you shut down and won’t
discuss it and act as if it never happened.
There were many blessings that came from
my traumatic event. I learned to trust and
listen to my Angels one hundred percent cent
and as strange as it may sound, being forced
to kneel on the ground with a gun to my head,
helped me to finally release a guilt I had held
since I was 21. I was raped at 21 and the one
aspect I could never forgive myself for was
that I did not fight. Being placed in a position
where I could not fight showed me that it was
the right thing to do. In both cases, I did not
fight but this time, I knew that it was alright,
and it helped prevent me from being raped a
second time, and this release of guilt allowed
me to be calm, so I could liste n to my Angels
guidance who helped me to escape my
attacker.
by Candice Wilson
Fear can be the most debilitating disease. It
robs u for your joy, happiness and peace of
mind. Slowly it infiltrates and invades
every aspect of your life. Mental it sneaks
into every fibre of your being, and you find
yourself jumping at the slightest noises. The
more you fear the greater your fear becomes.
Your adrenaline spikes and hyper vigilance
sets in. Within seconds, your mind has plotted
and planned every conceivable escape route.
This was my life for the last year. Last March
I woke up with a man standing over my bed
with a gun to my head. Unless you have been
in this situation and many of us have been in
similar circumstances you can’t fully
26 - Ewya July 2016
understand the debilitating fear the slices
through your body and mind.
What I have been suffering from is known
as PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder is
a disorder that can result in the aftermath of
a life-threatening or traumatic experience.
Symptoms are common in war veterans, rape
survivors, hi-jacking and in any circumstance
where your survival is threatened.
Symptoms of PTSD
Flashbacks about the trauma. Watching
violent movies or rape scenes take you back
to your trauma, sometimes it feels like it is
happening all over again. You have sudden
flashes of the attack.
The curse of this event affected me more than
I ever realised. Looking back I can see the
symptoms but at the time, I thought I was OK.
The minute the sun set I would become jumpy
and hyper alert. The smallest sound that was
out of place set my adrenaline spiking, and
fearful thoughts invaded my mind. The
longer you allow fearful thoughts control of
your mind the stronger the fear becomes, they
crawl through your mind and grow bigger and
scarier with every second you entertain them.
Fear is like a parasite eating away at you. It
makes your mind sicker and sicker the longer
you allow these thoughts to control you.
I am lucky I studied cognitive behavioural
therapy because it has been my saving grace.
I decided to treat my fear as if I was a
client. I began with exposure therapy the first
step was to expose myself to my fear. Night
had become my fear I barely slept. At night, I
would lie awake listening for any sound of a
threat. Even the cat eating would scare me. If
I heard a sound, I was up like a shot mace in
one hand and a BB gun in the other. I would
sneak through the house, jumping at
shadows, adrenaline pumping through my
body. I was combat ready to face any
intruder who dared to break in again. If I was
out, I would make sure I returned home before
the sun set.
The dark was now my tormentor, and I had to
defeat it. I started off waiting till it got dark and
then hesitantly unlocking the front door and
the security gate. The first few times my heart
was pounding so hard I thought it would beat
right out my chest. I hoped it might because
then I wouldn’t have do go out into the
darkness because if I went out there, I might
be attacked again. I got about 3 steps into the
dark before the fear overwhelmed and swallowed me whole. I fled back into the house as
if the hounds of hell were perusing me and
slammed and locking the door behind me. I
was completely freaked out but at the same
time, I was proud that I had even gotten out of
the door. Each night I went a little further and
stayed out a little longer.
A week or so into my exposure therapy, I had
a dream of the neighbours been robbed and
that the robbers jumped into my property. A
few days later it happened just like my dream.
My angels told me to get inside and switch
alarms on, I listen to their guidance without
hesitation. Just as I got inside and set the
security beams outside they were set off by
robbers running through my property.
The area I was living in then had a rash of attempted breaking during the day and at night.
The problem was this then caused me to be
scared during the day as well as at night. The
daytime terrors were a group of four men.
My mind went into overdrive and fear of what
would happen if I was attacked by four men
dogged my thoughts.
Ewya July 2016 - 27