EPLUS MAGAZINE E PLUS MAGAZINE APRIL EDITION 2017 | Page 7

HANDLING BREAK UP IN A RELATIONSHIP
Break up in a relationship simply means putting an end to a relationship .
EARLY SIGNS OF AN IMMINENT BREAK UP IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. YOUR PARTNER ALWAYS BLAMES YOU :According to clinical professional
counsellor Julienne Derichs, “You are in a dead-end relationship if your boyfriend or
girlfriend doesn't want to work through conflicts with you and blames you for the all
problems in your relationship.”
The only way for your relationship to evolve is by working through problems
together, and both people need to be willing to do that.
Money problems main reason for relationship breakdown
2. IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT’S GOING TO GET BETTER:rare is the couple that’s
happy all the time - but if you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s probably
time to move on.
“The biggest way to tell if you are in a dead-end relationship is if you do not see it
getting better,” therapist and health & wellness expert Jenny Giblin says.
She points out that this is, however, different from just feeling hopeless: “If you have
stuck around waiting for things to change, and nothing has, and you find yourself
accepting that this is just how your relationship is, and settling for that, then the
issue may be simply that you are in a dead-end relationship.”
3. YOU FANCY OTHER PEOPLE :If you were with the right person, you wouldn’t
be fantasising about that cute guy from finance or the pretty girl you saw on your
commute this morning.
“If you’re constantly thinking about your other options, then your relationship isn’t as
strong as you think it is,” says counsellor Jonathan Bennett.
4. IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT:Sometimes it’s simply a case of listening to your
instincts. If your partner no longer feels like the person you’re meant to spend the
rest of your life with, they’re probably not.
“If your partner doesn’t feel like ‘the one’, something may be up. You struggle to feel
more in love and closer and just can’t seem to get there,” are examples offered by
relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad.
EASY WAYS OF GETTING OVER BREAK UP IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. PUT THE PHOTOGRAPHS AWAY. Delete (yes, permanently) the loving
messages. No Facebookstalking of the love object or his/her new love object. Put
your phone and computer on some kind of psychological breath-alizer: no typing or
calls after 10 pm or on weekends to anybody, if necessary.
2. GET OUT OF THE HABIT OF SPEAKING ABOUT THE PERSON--no mention
of The Name or references to the last movie you saw together, the songwriter you
both loved, or how much you miss the way he manipulated the bar staff into always
giving you extra booze in your drinks (which secretly you hated).
3. GIVE YOURSELF A TIME LIMIT TO MOURN. We permit ourselves to become
what I call "emotional incontinent" after a break-up: by that I mean we think we've
earned the right to break or ignore the boundaries of ordinary behavior because
we're in pain. That's the first idea we need to dump after we've been dumped: no,
sorry, you are NOT allowed to cry, snap, moan, miss work, get drunk every night (or
afternoon or early brunch). Not for more than two weeks, anyhow.
4. GETTING OVER A BREAK-UP IS LIKE RECOVERING FROM A BROKEN
LIMB: for a while, everybody feels sorry for you and opens the door; after a certain