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Day 2. Life is turned upside down( continued)
SAID ALOUD
Aim. To clarify the nature and expression of trauma.
Trainer. The story continues.
Some hours must have passed before two men from the village found the Butterfly Woman, wounded on the river bank. The sand was red with her blood and the Woman stared at them with glassy eyes, unable to utter a word. Instead of helping her home, the men were so frightened by the sight that they ran off into the bush.
PART II: THE TRAINING
The Woman felt extremely weak. She asked herself:“ Am I already dead?” She noticed that blood covered her yellow dress, and that the dress was torn into pieces. She noticed the sound of the river and wondered whether she was in an unknown place. The river sounded hostile. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Would the soldiers come back? Her body felt numb. She had no strength to move. Her arms and legs were like dead meat. Her body ached and yet there were no feelings left.
The Trainer displays Figure 3: The Butterfly Woman immediately after the trauma.
That night the Woman was left alone. Her husband asked her to leave! The elders said she should not come back! The children were crying. She had to depart.
She wandered off into the forest, away from the river. Around her, the trees became dark and hostile. She felt fragile, weak, like the living dead. Her feet could barely carry her. They felt numb. Her hands were like the hands of a stranger. No smile in her heart, only darkness. Her body felt cold and silent, as if she was not living there anymore, or as if her soul was hiding far away in a corner of her shivering heart.
She could not rest. She saw the soldiers eyes, heard their laughter, their breathing and their words. Their smell filled her lungs. She was sweating, crying in rage and despair. She could not find shelter and scanned the green hillsides all the time for soldiers. All her dreams and wishes evaporated. Her mind became invaded by worry and she had difficult, strange thoughts about herself. Was she going mad? She felt shame and rage and deep sorrow at the same time.
Trainer. The story of the Butterfly Woman can help a survivor to understand her own behaviour, because her experiences are reflected in the story. This can empower her and lessen her shame. In many cultures it is a great taboo for a woman to say she has been raped. When a survivor talks about the Butterfly Woman, she is not obliged to speak about herself but can communicate her experience indirectly. The Butterfly Woman’ s story becomes the metaphor through which she can communicate, something that carries the heavy burden of the survivor’ s rape in a safe and dignified way. For both helper and survivor, it gives them distance and some kind of freedom, enabling them to speak to one another about what is otherwise unspeakable or overwhelming.