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PART III: THEORY
Communication is not just about talking but about listening and watching
Active listening can be used to check whether you have understood what a survivor has said. In such cases, repeat what you think you have heard to verify that you have understood correctly. If words are used differently in different languages or different cultural groups, however, even active listening can fail to pick up misunderstandings. So listen also to nonverbal forms of communication. Ask your local facilitator for tips to help you understand cultural differences in non-verbal communication. Listen carefully to what words a survivor uses to describe her situation or problem and use her words, instead of medical or culturally biased terms. Listening can take several forms. You can listen to the survivor’ s actual words and interpret their meaning; to the sound of her voice; to her posture or body language; to her silences and to what she does not say. Even when you listen with empathy and compassion, never assume that you know how a person feels. Repeat what she has said in your own words to show that you have understood, and give the other person a chance to correct you if you have misunderstood. Make sure that your own body language does not nullify what you say. It will not help to tell a survivor that you are very interested in what she says if your body language expresses boredom. At best, such mixed signals confuse the person to whom you are speaking. At worst they create mistrust, or doubts about your honesty and conviction.
Tolerate silences
When a survivor struggles to express herself, patience is important. Emotions can flood a survivor’ s mind, upsetting her and interfering with the interview. Helpers should give a survivor time to manage her emotions, organise her thoughts, or decide to express a particular thought or not.
The relevance of human rights
Adopting a human rights approach may give you an extra tool. It helps you and the survivor to consider her right to speak, to be consulted, to participate, to remain silent, to confidentiality, to seek and obtain reparation, and to be treated at all times with respect and dignity.
To create an environment that is safe for the meeting of helper and survivor, confidentiality is of great importance. It is difficult or impossible to share and confide in someone if you are not sure whether your conversation is being treated confidentially. The right to remain silent is also significant, especially because the relationship between a helper and a survivor will often be misinterpreted as hierarchical. A survivor may believe that she must tell the helper everything. She should be reassured that this is not the case.