The next stage of love is “ disturbances ”. This is where you find out all that is disturbing you about your mate . Within this stage you ’ re also supposed to remember all the things you do love as well . I couldn ' t have been more in love with the opacity , the transparency and the viscosity of encaustic . Yet there was frustration as I painted for as each brush stroke laid upon the other , the painting grew thicker . It was as if I was recording my mistakes . Like any good soul mate will tell you , “ It ' s me , it ’ s not you .” Then I came to realize it wasn ' t the wax after all , that was the part that I loved in the beginning . It was that mark that would dry instantly , that was the nature of wax and that wasn ' t going to change . I had to change . I had to become more confident , more proficient and a better painter if I didn ’ t want to see those brush strokes pile up . I wasn ' t going to use the medium as a crutch for my inability to paint . So I changed , I pushed myself to grow . I chose more complex subject matter to paint . I was on a mission to make smoothness equal confidence . I was in a love hate relationship ; late nights , long talks with my paintings , but I was happy .