E U R O P E A N L E A G U E F O R M I D D L E L E V E L E D U C A T I O N
Here’ s an example of an exchange:
You:“ Hey, just overheard you calling Jennifer a slut. We don ' t do that here.” Two girls in the group roll their eyes and one says, " Ok but we don ' t mean anything by it." You:“ I expect you all to hold yourselves to a higher standard than using tired words that put girls down. You all have to get to class now but if you want to talk to me later, I ' m totally up for doing that. Does that make sense?” Girls:“ Yes, fine.” You: " Great. And remember I ' m here if you want to continue having the conversation.” Possible counters that can get you off course: If any of the aggressors say the target doesn’ t mind what they’ re doing or asks the target if it bothers them, say“ If you want to tell me why you think what you’ re doing is acceptable, then schedule a time with me. Right now, what you need to understand is that calling anyone“ gay”( or insert other derogatory comment / joke / behavior) is unacceptable. And I’ m not going to have the target answer anything right now because I’ m not going to put them in the possible situation of having to choose between admitting what they really feel and coming across as disloyal to you. I’ m not saying that’ s happening but it’ s a possibility. So … just so we are clear, please tell me what you’ re hearing me say.” After the student responds, thank them and then direct them to where they need to go. We can and should approach the target later for a check in. When their peers aren’ t around, say the following
•“ Maybe what they’ re doing to you is happening a lot but just because it seems normal doesn’ t make it right.”
•“ Even if it doesn’ t bother you now, you can always change your mind. Real friends accept your right to say they have gone over your personal line.”
•“ You can always talk to me. Obviously that’ s your choice but I’ m here.”
For any of this to work, the scripts I suggest here are just that: suggestions. To make this work for you, make these words your own. And that means you really should take some time and write down responses that are authentic to you. Don’ t wait until you’ re in the middle of a really stressful situation. If you do, you’ re that much more likely to let your emotions dominate your response. You are going to see conflict, mean behavior and bullying and will need to address it. The quicker you learn that you have the ability to manage yourself, speak effectively and maintain everyone’ s dignity in the moment, the better off everyone’ s going to be.
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