E U R O P E A N L E A G U E F O R M I D D L E L E V E L E D U C A T I O N
Here ’ s an example of an exchange :
You : “ Hey , just overheard you calling Jennifer a slut . We don ' t do that here .” Two girls in the group roll their eyes and one says , " Ok but we don ' t mean anything by it ." You : “ I expect you all to hold yourselves to a higher standard than using tired words that put girls down . You all have to get to class now but if you want to talk to me later , I ' m totally up for doing that . Does that make sense ?” Girls : “ Yes , fine .” You : " Great . And remember I ' m here if you want to continue having the conversation .” Possible counters that can get you off course : If any of the aggressors say the target doesn ’ t mind what they ’ re doing or asks the target if it bothers them , say “ If you want to tell me why you think what you ’ re doing is acceptable , then schedule a time with me . Right now , what you need to understand is that calling anyone “ gay ” ( or insert other derogatory comment / joke / behavior ) is unacceptable . And I ’ m not going to have the target answer anything right now because I ’ m not going to put them in the possible situation of having to choose between admitting what they really feel and coming across as disloyal to you . I ’ m not saying that ’ s happening but it ’ s a possibility . So … just so we are clear , please tell me what you ’ re hearing me say .” After the student responds , thank them and then direct them to where they need to go . We can and should approach the target later for a check in . When their peers aren ’ t around , say the following
• “ Maybe what they ’ re doing to you is happening a lot but just because it seems normal doesn ’ t make it right .”
• “ Even if it doesn ’ t bother you now , you can always change your mind . Real friends accept your right to say they have gone over your personal line .”
• “ You can always talk to me . Obviously that ’ s your choice but I ’ m here .”
For any of this to work , the scripts I suggest here are just that : suggestions . To make this work for you , make these words your own . And that means you really should take some time and write down responses that are authentic to you . Don ’ t wait until you ’ re in the middle of a really stressful situation . If you do , you ’ re that much more likely to let your emotions dominate your response . You are going to see conflict , mean behavior and bullying and will need to address it . The quicker you learn that you have the ability to manage yourself , speak effectively and maintain everyone ’ s dignity in the moment , the better off everyone ’ s going to be .
! 6