When I look back at the years when I was running a home, raising kids, holding down a full-time job and going to college, simultaneously, I am amazed that I was able to pull it all off without having a nervous breakdown. Sure, there were times I wanted to just quit and do something less stressful like basket weaving or canning my own tomatoes. But I wouldn’t have been fulfilling my own needs, or setting a good example for my daughters that women can be, do, or have anything they want if they are willing to do the work.
One of the gifts that my generation, the Baby Boomers, gave me, and especially the feminist movement that I was deeply involved in (along with everything else), was the opportunity to be surrounded by some very wise and resourceful women who taught me a few things about managing my time. It was from them that I found ways to make my life work without sacrificing time with my daughters or family life in general.
I always kept two lists. List #1 was the Top Priority List. This consisted of things that had to get done. Obviously, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I did need to sleep for at least some of them. My first step was to check off three things from that list and set the intention to get them done that day. I put them in the order that fit in with my schedule for that day. Even if there were more than three things on my list, I kept my intention to complete the three that needed my attention the most. If I finished them and still had time, I could move on to another task.
List #2 was the Secondary Needs List. This was the list of things that needed to get done, but weren’t as pressing as the things on List #1. They were also things that I could delegate to someone else (anyone can pick up a gallon of milk or throw in a load of laundry). I also would pick three things from that list. If they were completed, that was three less things I had to worry about (although for some reason for every three things I checked off this list, three more things seemed to always take their place!).
There were two areas that I made priorities in my life for which I didn’t need a list. They were simply things I knew it was imperative for me to do if I wanted to get anything done on either list. The first was to make sure I ate decent meals; no “coffee-and-a-donut” breakfasts in the car on the way to class or work, or skipping lunch to study. This is when I discovered the beauty of protein shakes, years before breakfast smoothies became all the rage. I packed a lunch that was dependent on where I would be at lunchtime that day. If I was at work and had access to a way to heat things up, I would take soup, or leftovers from the previous night’s dinner. If I was at school, I packed a sandwich and fruit, grabbing iced tea or juice at the Student Union between classes. I always made sure I had a good dinner with lots of protein and vegetables.
The second imperative was my own self-care. That meant making sure I got plenty of sleep, taking the time to care for my body, my skin, and my personal needs. This usually took place right before I went to bed, which ensured that I would not have a night tossing and turning over some problem at work or tomorrow’s quiz. A hot shower or bath, a massage with lotion and making sure to give my hair a good brushing, usually put me to sleep without any problems.
Finally, I must give credit where credit is due. My two daughters were in their early teens when I started school; an age when I often wondered if I was being too hard on them. They stepped up to the plate and took the things I delegated to them without argument (well, not much argument). You can imagine how proud of them I was the day I stepped up to claim my diploma knowing that it, in part, belonged to them as much as it did to me … they had earned it every step of the way with me. Today they are beautiful and talented mothers in their own right.
Even though I now work from home as a writer, I continue to keep those two lists, and I still keep to my imperatives of healthy eating and self-care, to which I have added moving my body and keeping active every day. I will always thank those wonderful ladies in the women’s movement who taught me that I deserve the best, and I accept it every moment of every day. You can, too!