Relationships take work. First, you fall in love and those gushy moments feel and look like a romantic love story. Everything is going along just fine and then whamo, blamo, an argument erupts. Yes, we all have those moments where we love our partner, but we may not like them very much. In my opinion, something that is super important in a relationship is the ability to “fight” fairly.
One time meditating after a disagreement with my BeLoved, my Higher Self said, “When you win, he loses; when he wins, you lose- do you really wish to make either of you a loser?” Wow! This got my attention. No, I do not either of us to be ‘losers’!
Disagreements can and usually will happen; very rarely do couples get along all of the time. Isn’t it more important to strengthen your relationship than to create more damage?
When you are disappointed about a circumstance or situation check in with yourself.
1. Know your own feelings. Take a deep breath and connect with your feelings. Why is this
darkness showing up? When you are better able to understand your feelings and darkness; you can feel less resistance during a conflict, and a bit more inner happiness.
2. Anger is an emotion. No one can tell you that you cannot feel angry. Feel the anger; what does this feel like, sound like, look like? Why are you afraid? Anger is a secondary emotion to fear. Again, why are you afraid? Don’t hold it in, let it out. Cry, if you need to cry!
3. Compromise is important to any love relationship. You are not Burger King and cannot always “have it your way.” Personal growth is allowing both yourself and your partner to process your feelings and emotions.
4. Negotiation is key for your sweetheart connection. Resentment can build when one is winning and the other is losing; then, no one wins. Even if your significant other is wrong, please allow them self-respect and dignity.
5. When you are not in a heated argument, establish ground rules. This is beneficial for the long run.
6. Stick to those ground rules do not be vengeful because you are mad.
7. Be Honest. Be Clear. Ask for clarification and feedback for a better understanding.
8. No Low Blows; keep this above the belt. This is both verbal and physical. Words can be held as verbal assault in courts and violence has no business in any relationship.
9. Allow a cooling off period. When emotions are amped up, the nervous system goes haywire. Allow both of you to settle down, take a breather and move positively forward.
10. Best of all makeup in a way that makes sense to both of you. Your relationship is yours and yours alone; sorry, but no one should be interjecting; unless there is a concern of unhealthiness or domestic violence.
Once things have calmed down and peace is restored forgive everything; conflict, disagreement, your partner and yourself. Forgiveness is a powerful healing tool. If your lover is up to this, ask for the two of you to forgive the situation, you and he/she. This helps strengthen the relationship and empowers both of you; making it a win-win.