By Rachell Kieffer
Are You
Resisting Love?
A big part of my job as a holistic nutrition and health coach is to teach women how to love themselves. Without self-love, any nutritional suggestion, life style recommendations and attempts at creating healthy rituals will fall on unreceptive ears. When changes come from a place of self-criticism they are short lived.
The reactions to the idea of LOVING MYSELF can be heartbreaking, comical, puzzling and as varied as the women I work with. The idea is always met with an initial resistance that is sometimes obvious and sometimes not so obvious. During the many years of learning to love myself and teaching it to other women, I have become a detective at identifying the many ways we resist self-love. See if you can find yourself in any of the following seven scenarios.
I Don’t Want To Be Selfish
“Love myself? That’s selfish! You’re supposed to love and care for others!”
Many women were trained, from a very young age, to be a caretaker. They were taught to value the act of giving. They learned to identify with being the nurturer, the mother, the comforter. All those qualities are wonderful and are so needed in the world. Women do care deeply, love fully and want to make the world a better place by shining their light and love. The problem starts when they don’t put limits, create boundaries and balance their giving with self-care. When a woman does not care for herself, allows herself to get help and support and learn to be a gracious receiver, she will burn out, get exhausted, become depressed or develop an illness. All of the above are direct messages her body and soul are giving her to LOVE HERSELF.
I Am Not Worthy
“I don’t know what it means to love myself and can’t even imagine doing it.”
Women who have experienced abuse develop a deep feeling of being unworthy. They don’t feel that they deserve love, they attract people who devalue them, and they have a hard time entertaining the idea of loving themselves; it just sounds too foreign. Those women often have an abusive relationship with food and with their body and will sabotage their own efforts. A gentle and persistent approach works best. Getting support is crucial. Starting where they are and taking a small step forward. For example, instead of saying “I LOVE MYSELF” they need to start with “I am learning to love myself” or even “I am willing to consider learning to love myself”.
It’s Too Simplistic
“Loving myself doesn’t work, it’s too simplistic and won’t accomplish anything.”
Women who want “the cure” to their ills are looking for a magic solution, THE formula, THE diet, THE pill, THE guru that will finally save them. They want results. Fast. Now. Guess what? Loving themselves is the magic ingredient that makes everything work. Only it doesn’t work like they wish it will. It is not an instant cure-all but rather a journey of discovery that needs to be taken slowly and with a sense of adventure and wonder. You might not lose 10 lbs in one week or get rid of chronic pain instantly or grow a healthy mane of hair overnight but loving yourself will give you results, lifelong results of a better and healthier life.
October/November 2017 | ElementsForAHealthierLife.com | 23