What most don’t realize, is that we carry all of this with us throughout our lives. We continually gather words spoken to us or about us that form our own story of who we are, who we’re supposed to be, and what’s wrong with us. So every time we hear particular words or receive certain responses from people, it triggers our story about ourselves as well as the shame of where we’re “not enough”.
We all remember the brutal comparison game we played, especially in high school. She has a great family (my dad wasn’t around – I must not be enough to be loved like that). I wish I had a body like that (my short, chubby legs are not enough to make me beautiful or allow me to be a dancer or model, etc). Why can’t I make straight A’s like her? (Straight A’s don’t run in our family – I’m not smart enough).
I’ll give you a personal example, one of many, but here goes: When I was in high school, the fad was twiggy and that long straight hippy hair parted down the middle. Well, I was neither tall and skinny or had straight hair, nor a face that would be flattered by a part down the middle. I had very wavy, thick hair. Mind you, there were no straightening irons back then either. Even though, from the time I was a toddler people couldn’t say enough about how cute I was, because I wasn’t like everyone else that fit the have-to’s of the day; I wasn’t enough.
But let’s go beyond the physical. Where it really hurts and derails our life is the non-physical. For instance, I was raised to be a “good little girl”. Part and parcel with that is the mandate to say all the right things at the right time. In other words, my voice didn’t matter and if it showed up, it was quickly quieted – uh oh, shame on you, bad girl. I learned very young that keeping quiet made me a “good girl”.
The truth is, to this day, even though I’ve worked hard to free myself from the shame and boxes I was crammed into, I find myself still listening to my not enough story, still believing sometimes that what I have to say doesn’t matter, and as a result, it’s caused me to hold back in many areas of my life.
I’ve spent years encouraging people to believe they are enough just the way they are. They are beautiful and valuable without changing a thing, but I was shocked to discover recently as I felt a strong pull to go deeper and ask tough questions, that I still find myself playing small, because of all those things about me that are just not enough.
I’ve come so far, in fact, I believe I am a completely different person than I was ten years ago. But I had to acknowledge that I was not putting myself out there in areas I know I’ve been led to. I had to admit I was that little girl afraid of creative efforts or serious words being laughed at, that little girl that just wasn’t smart enough to build her own business. I was holding back my voice because who was I to mingle my voice with the millions of others being listened to? Not enough.
My lovely, gorgeous friend, I want you to know that no matter what, you are enough!
No matter your circumstances, no matter what you look like, no matter the cruel words that might have been spoken to you, or how you were made to feel small, invaluable, at home, work or whatever, you are enough!
You matter! Your feelings matter and the world needs your gifts. That’s the truth, not the story you told yourself, probably within the last hours, much like I did. I was at the grocery store the other day in sweats, no makeup and dirty hair. I wasn’t sloppy, but I’ve learned to not care what people think and that looking good doesn’t make me enough. But I saw someone I knew and the old story could have written a book. “You’re a sloth; you look like you just got out of bed; they’re thinking ‘gross’.”
None of it was true, but by the time I got to my car, my sunny mood had turned into a mean girl convincing me I’m not enough to be or do anything.
Never again will I let that happen. I stood up to that mean girl and consequently had a burst of motivation and a week of guidance I could have never imagined.
It’s amazing how a firm stance in I Am Enough can change your story, the story being written right now.
A friend and I have a saying we revert to often when life isn’t feeling so great. We learned it when we watched the film “The Help” together. It’s a beautiful message. I hope it helps you during a tough day: “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”
You Is Enough!
February 2017 | ElementsForAHealthierLife.com | 25