ROUNDUP : DOWN TOOLS
JOKES
THE TROUBLE WITH THAT IS ...
In my neighbourhood when I was growing up , there was a couple who had given their twin sons very , very strange names . One was called Trouble , while the other boy ' s name was Mind Your Own Business . One day they were playing hide and seek . Mind Your Own Business counted to a hundred and then started looking for his brother , but somehow he couldn ' t find him anywhere . He saw a police car passing the neighbourhood , so he stopped it to ask for help . When the police officer asked him for his name , he replied , " Mind Your Own Business !" Getting annoyed , the police officer asked through gritted teeth who he was looking for . Mind Your Own Business replied , " I am looking for Trouble !"
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n I ’ ve lost so much weight , just by wearing bread on my head . It ’ s that new loaf hat diet everyone ’ s talking about .
n I bought my wife a new alarm clock , that shouts out swear words when it ’ s time to get up . She ’ s in for a rude awakening .
n I asked my friend from Germany if she knew the square root of 81 . She said no .
n What do you call a hen that can count its own eggs ? A mathemachicken .
n I bought a packet of Viagra tea bags from the supermarket . They do nothing for your sex life , but they do stop your biscuits from going soggy when you dunk them .
n The inventor of autocorrect has died . Restaurant in peas .
n My girlfriend said I had to choose – it was either her or following my dream of being a TV news reporter . I have some breaking news for her …
n I saw a microbiologist today . He was much bigger than I expected .
I had visited a cafe one day with my friends , and the waiter recommended that we try their special coffee . We agreed and soon the coffee arrived . As we drank the coffee , we realised that it tasted like dirt and mud . Disgusted , all of us complained immediately . The alarmed waiter rushed over and said , " Well sir , it was freshly ground coffee !" n Our local auctioneer died this week . Very sad . He getting on a bit though . He was around 60 ? 65 ? 75 ? 80 ?
n A man tried to sell me a coffin the other day . Told him that was the last thing I needed .
n Welcome to this week ’ s meeting for plastic surgery addicts anonymous . Isn ’ t it nice to see so many new faces ?
TRIVIA TIME …
1 . What is the capital of China ?
2 . In what year did the Titanic sink ?
3 . Which artist has the most streams on Spotify ?
4 . Queen guitarist Brian May is also an expert in what ?
5 . Which company was previously called Blue Ribbon Sports ?
DID YOU KNOW …?
→ Due to thermal expansion , the Eiffel Tower can be 15cm taller during the summer
→ The Spice Girls were previously called ‘ Touch ’ before they rebranded .
→ In Switzerland , it ’ s illegal to own just one guinea pig .
→ Nutmeg is a hallucinogen .
→ The ‘ real ’ name for a hashtag is an octothorpe .
1 . Beijing 2 . 1912 3 . Drake 4 . Astrophysics 5 . Nike
48 GEMCELL . COM . AU APR – MAY 2022