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JOKES
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The leader of the Vegetarian Society couldn ’ t control himself any longer . He just had to try some meat to see what it tasted like . Surely it couldn ’ t be as good as those TV chefs told him it was ? One day , he packed his bag and headed off to a nearby town . As soon as he got there , he showered and changed , and went to a five-star restaurant . He was shown to his seat and , after sitting down , the waiter brought him the menu . He thought about a juicy steak , pondered on grilled chicken , but finally settled on a roasted pig . He placed his order and sat back – enjoying his glass of wine while anticipating his beautiful meal . Just then , he heard someone call his name from across the restaurant . It was one of the members of the Vegetarian Society . As the member walked towards him , the waiter brought his meal over – a huge platter with roasted pig complete with apple in its mouth . “ Well look at that ,” he said . “ All I did was order an apple , and look what comes with it !”
n My son asked me “ Dad , are we pyromaniacs ?” I replied , “ Yes , we arson .”
n I saw an old guy hobbling along the road holding two gigantic frozen chips I asked why He replied , “ They ’ re McCains .”
n Have you ever tried archery blindfolded ? You don ’ t know what you ’ re missing .
n An elderly lady walks into a butcher ’ s shop and sees a pair of pigs trotters on the shelf behind him . “ Are those real ?” she asks . “ No madam , they ’ re counterfeit .”
n I walked along a street where the houses were numbered 64K , 128K , 256K , 512K and 1MB . It was a trip down memory lane …
n I ’ ve invented a new word . Plagiarism .
n Did you hear what the bureaucrats have done now ? They ’ ve only gone and taken the word ‘ gullible out of the dictionary in case it offends someone !
n Did you hear about the mathematician who ’ s afraid of negative numbers ? He ’ ll stop at nothing to avoid them .
A man was stopped by the police around 2 a . m . and was asked where he was going at that time of night . The man replied , “ I ’ m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body , as well as smoking and staying out late .” The officer asked , “ Really ? Who ’ s giving that lecture at this time of night ?” The man replied , “ That would be my wife .” n Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards ? He was going through a stage .
n Arial and Times New Roman walk into a bar . “ Get out of here ,” the barman said . “ We don ’ t serve your type .”
n What do you call a magic dog ? A labracadabrador .
TRIVIA TIME …
1 . How many languages are written from right to left ?
2 . What is the name of the biggest technology company in South Korea ?
3 . Which monarch officially made Valentine ’ s Day a holiday in 1537 ?
4 . Which is the only edible food that never goes bad ?
DID YOU KNOW …?
→ Dolphins sleep with one eye open
→ McDonalds launched its first drive-thru , in Arizona , to serve military personnel who weren ’ t allowed to wear their uniforms in public .
→ Pigs don ’ t sweat
→ A quarter of your body ’ s bones are in your feet
→ The inventor of the Pringles can is now buried in one
1 . 12 2 . Samsung 3 . Henry VIII 4 . Honey
48 GEMCELL . COM . AU OCT – NOV 2021