THE POSITIVITY ISSUE
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FIRST HAND ACCOUNT
DAN *, IS IN HIS EARLY 30S . HE ’ S SINGLE WITH A BUNCH OF MATES , AND A JOB CONTRACTING AS A CABLE JOINTER FOR A QUEENSLAND ENERGY PROVIDER . HE STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS BEFORE HE GOT HELP . THIS IS HIS STORY .
There ’ s this thing that Robin Williams said – that people don ’ t fake depression , they fake being well . I think about that a lot
Depression just kind of crept up on me . There was no real reason for it . To this day , I don ’ t know what triggered it . It was a slow creep that started around Christmas time . I saw this video recently about how coral bleaching affects the reef , with the colour slowly draining out of it , and that summed up how I felt .
I lost interest in things I was passionate about , like the footy . It all suddenly seemed so pointless . I could go for days without feeling hungry . I wasn ’ t sleeping well , and I was scared that was going to affect my concentration at work . I became a bit obsessive , checking things over and over , feeling that I was going to make a mistake and something would go horribly wrong and it would be my fault .
I put on the act that everything was fine . With my workmates , I still forced myself to joke around . I must have done a good job because no-one noticed anything was up . Later , when I was feeling more like my old self , I confided in one mate that I ’ d had a bit of a struggle and he said , " Yeah , I thought things were a bit off . Sorry , I should have asked .".
Would it have made a difference if he had ? I think so , yes . Because depression is a sneaky thing . In your own head you ’ re thinking it ’ s probably normal , that you must just be tired or you need to give yourself a shake . If someone had said something , it would have made me think that maybe I wasn ’ t imagining it .
What actually happened was this one day , I felt totally and horribly sad and I found myself crying in Bunnings . I was looking at paint charts and I felt the tears . That was when I thought , this isn ’ t normal . No-one else cries in Bunnings . I rang my mum and told her and she got pretty upset , too . She made me promise to go and see the GP .
So I did . I went and saw this lovely woman who listened for ages then said it sounded as if I had clinical depression . She talked about all the lifestyle stuff you ’ re supposed to do , like exercise and eating well . But she said sometimes you just need to give yourself a chance to get some perspective back . She referred me to a counsellor and prescribed antidepressants .
It wasn ’ t an instant cure – it took about six weeks I ’ d say – but slowly I realised the anxious thoughts had lost that panic status . My need to check things has definitely calmed down to a more normal level . I mean , I ’ m still checking things , just to clarify ! But that feeling of all-consuming dread has definitely eased off . I feel more like the real me , and when I joke , it ’ s coming more easily , like I ’ m not pretending .
There ’ s enough of a difference for me to be able to think clearly about how I can get things under control . For now , at least I can get on with things . n
18 GEMCELL . COM . AU AUG – SEP 2021