ROUND-UP
DOWN TOOLS
JOKES
ARE YOU A
MONK?
man is driving down a country lane and his car
breaks down. There’s nothing around, apart from a
huge, old building about half a kilometre away. The
man walks to the building for help, knocks on the door and it’s
answered by a monk.
The man explained the situation, and was invited in. He was
given a meal, and the monks even fixed his car. As it was late,
they offered him a bed for the night, which he accepted.
During the night, the man heard the most wonderful,
magical, mysterious sound, and the next morning he enquired
what had caused it.
“Sorry,” the monks said. “We can’t tell you, you’re not a
monk.”
A few years later, the man broke down in exactly the same
spot, and once again knocked on the monastery door. Again
he was invited in, fed, had his car fixed and once again he
stayed the night. And once again he hears the most
wonderful, magical, mysterious sound.
The next morning, he asked what it was. “We can’t tell you,
you’re not a monk.”
The man was beyond curious, and said, “I need to
know. How do I become a monk?”
“You must travel the earth, and tell us how many
blades of grass there are and the exact number of
grains of sand.
“When you find these numbers, you will become
a monk.”
Forty years later, the man returns to the
monastery, task complete.
“Congratulations, you’re now a monk. We can
now show you what’s responsible for the sounds.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door,
which is unlocked by a key handed to him by the
head monk.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of
stone, which again is locked.
The monks give the man the key to the stone door, which
he opens to find a door made of ruby.
Behind that door is a door made of sapphire. And so it went
until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver,
topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and is absolutely
amazed and astounded to find the source of that most
wonderful, magical, mysterious sound…
But we can’t tell you what it was. You’re not a monk.
A
n A man walks into a bar, and orders two beers.
“Someone joining you?” the bartender asks.
“No. My brother’s in the army and he’s been
drafted overseas. He told me that, while he was
away, every time I have a drink, I have to have
one for him, too.”
The bartender was rather touched, and
remembered the man the next time he came in.
And the next time. Each visit, he had two beers.
The next time he came in, he ordered
only one.
“Oh no, please don’t tell me your
brother’s been killed in action,” the
bartender says.
“No,” the man replied.
I’ve given up drinking.
48 GEMCELL.COM.AU AUG – SEPT 2019
n My dad worked on the roads. I never
wanted to believe he stole from work.
But when I got home, all the signs were
there.
n I heard the person who invented
Velcro has died.
RIP
n A horse walks into a bar.
“Why the long face,” asks
the bartender. “Because
I’m a horse.”
n My friend stole a
calendar.
He got 12 months.
n An SEO expert walks
into a bar, a pub, a public
house, a wine bar, a craft
beer bar, an Irish pub, a
European beer bar.
n An egg and a rasher of
bacon walk into a bar. “I’m
sorry,” says the bartender.
“We don’t serve breakfast.”
n Doctor, Doctor, I keep imagining I’m a
pair of curtains! Pull yourself together,
man.
n What do you call a cheese that’s
someone else’s? Nacho cheese.
n Eating a wrist watch is very time
consuming.
n Did you hear about the
restaurant on the
moon? Food’s great,
but there’s no
atmosphere.
n The accountants
have gone into
battle… led by
General Ledger.
TEXTING FOR SENIORS:
BFF - Best Friend Fell
BTW - Bring The Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
IMHO - Is My Hearing-aid On?