ROUND-UP
DOWN TOOLS
JOKES
LOOK BEHIND YOU!
ate one night a burglar broke
into a house, and while he was
sneaking around he heard a
voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”
He looked around and saw nothing.
He kept on creeping and again heard
a voice say, ”Jesús is watching you.”
In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a
parrot inside.
The burglar approached the cage,
shone his torch at the parrot, and asked,
“Was it you who said Jesus is watching
me?”
The parrot replied, “Yes.”
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s
your name?”
“Clarence,” the parrot said.
“That’s a stupid name for a parrot,”
replied the burglar. “What idiot named
you Clarence?”
The parrot answered, “The same
idiot that named that Rottweiler over
there Jesus.”
L
n I saw a magician yesterday. He turned
everyone in the audience into wind
turbines.
Immediately I became a big fan.
n I’ve never liked Russian dolls.
They’re just so full of themselves.
n Why can’t you breed an eel with
an eagle?
It’s eeleagle
n It’s
impossible
to starve in
the desert,
because of
all the sand which is
there.
n My friend asked me to stop making
references to Bruce Willis movies.
Sorry mate, old habits die hard.
n In a recent job interview, I was asked if
I could perform under pressure.
“I don’t know about that,” I said. “But I
can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody.”
n I have a terrible fear of giants.
Feefiphobia.
n If I ever find the doctor who
messed up my limb replacement
surgery, I’ll kill him with my bear
hands.
n Why did the
scarecrow win
an achievement
award?
He was outstanding in
his field.
n Some mornings I wake up
grumpy. Other days I let her lie in.
n A man is walking through
his local shopping mall and
sees a Mexican bookstore.
He goes in – he’s curious,
he’s never seen a Mexican
bookstore before. He browses
through the store and finally
asks the shop assistant, “Do
you have the book on
Donald Trump’s foreign
policies with Mexico?”
The clerk gets irate. “****
you, get out, stay out!”
The man replies, “Yeah, that’s
the one!”
48 GEMCELL.COM.AU JUN – JUL 2019
FACTS TO AMAZE
YOUR MATES
n ‘Texas’ is Norwegian slang for crazy.
n The Very Hungry Caterpillar was
originally called A Week with Willie Worm.
n In 2000, Blockbuster Video turned down
the opportunity to acquire a new movie
streaming service called Netflix.
n Cows produce five times more saliva
than they do milk.
n The people most likely to suffer injuries
at work are hairdressers.