I have not slept for a while. I often find myself waking up in the middle of the night, and struggling to sleep again. Lately, it seems I’ve been waking up earlier. In the past week, I have received 15 hours of sleep. School has been adding to my stress. I have been mad, tired, and overall exhausted. This has led to me lashing out at everyone in my family and claiming I’d rather be trapped in a dream than having to witness everyday life. This anger is out of exhaustion.
I sit alone in my bed at midnight- the darkness of the night surrounding me. I don’t like this, I feel so alone. The sky outside seems cloudy, with no shreds of light able to peek in. Looking over at my twin brother’s bed, I can’t help but envy how deeply he sleeps. I just want to sleep like him with peacefulness exploding from my soul, to be able to murmur to himself, so utterly content.
“Jasper, wake up,” I whisper wanting some company, even if it does annoy him. My brother shifts as if about to wake, but he remains in his deep sleep. Not wanting to be alone, I get up and head downstairs to sit on the couch until morning arrives, spiteful that my family is able to sleep.
I would give anything to be asleep like them right now.
The living room is full of photographs of my family, smiling down on me. The couch is placed like an L in the corner. I watch the window as I wait for daybreak. The darkness around me seems to absorb my line of sight. I glance at the time. One in the morning, I shut my eyes, leaning back into the couch. When I realize what is happening, I can tell I am dreaming. I feel as light as a feather and the world is suddenly bright around me.
The sky seems to be the color of blood, and the ground is shaking slightly. There is heavy breathing nearby. My chest gets heavy with fear, my heart pounds like a steady beating of drums. I’m standing in a barren wasteland, the ground is cracked and brown, seemingly made of skin. There is blood splattered everywhere.
This is a dream, no need to be scared, I try to convince myself, smiling to lighten my mood. I attempt to alter the dream, closing my eyes while willing the scenery to change to a more peaceful setting. Nothing around me changes, and suddenly I hear screaming. As if someone is arguing. I run to hide as the screaming brings back horrible memories from my past. I hear glass breaking and my parents angry drunk voices. My grandparents surrounding land, farms littered on the sides of what seems to be a road.
I walk on trying to get to my grandparent’s home, with a hand on a white fence at the side of the engraved road.
“Welcome to the land of barren dreams,” her voice echoes seeming to come from all around me.
I cover my mouth unable to look away as she sinks to the ground in piles of ash.
I can’t help but shudder. “This place is awful!” I yelled.
I pinch my arms. The pain seems so real, yet I don’t wake up. I know I am dreaming. I know it’s a nightmare. But if this pain feels so real, maybe death might be real in this dreamland.
“Jasper! Mom! Dad!” I call out to my family in terror. There is no answer.As I ...I started to hear someone start singing in the distance. I pick up my pace walking into my grandparent’s house. It’s cold in here, empty and lonely. My breathing comes in hard ragged breaths, breath visible in the air. My fear of loneliness and being trapped are following me here.
I see a young girl with long sleek black hair walk down the crooked cracked staircase.
I whispered, “Oh my god” as I panicked hid from her line of sight behind the hallway wall. As she notices where I’m hiding she walks to the doorway singing awful things.
“And the little bird flew no more, wings torn off, and body sore”
I cover my ears whimpering “no, no, no” repeatedly with eyes closed. When I open my eyes I see I’m home again. The clock hanging on the wall above the big mirror reads 2:00 am.
I try to move, to shake off the feeling of being trapped. My nightmare has not ended. My body is heavy and my limbs won’t move. I can only move my eyes, trapped in the prison of my body. I can’t scream, talk, or call out for help. I can only whimper in fear.
My chest gets heavy as if there is an iron cage closing around my heart. The cool air, once so fresh and light, stings my skin. I try to calm my breathing, realizing there’s no use in panicking. Maybe I can sleep and when I wake up this nightmare will be over.
The time reads 2:37 am. When I open my eyes again, I find that I can’t sleep. I close my eyes, tired of being scared. What I don’t expect is to open them to sunlight flooding into the room. The time is blurred, but I don’t mind. I get up moving my limbs around to make sure I'm awake.
I rush upstairs and jump on my brother’s bed. “Jasper! Wake up! Wake up Jasper-” My sentence is cut off as I realize he’s not in bed. His sheets are folded as if he woke up earlier.
“Mom? Dad? Jasp?” I call out poking my head in the different rooms as I walk down the hall, looking for a note, a sign, as to where they are.
I suddenly realize I'm not walking as my feet continue hitting the floor. My eyes aren’t open. I’m dreaming.
I yell, “No, no, no, no, please not again, please no!” I peek out a window and see the ground is cracked skin. The sky is no longer red, but black and endless, not a single cloud in sight.
“Mom!” I scream out helplessly wishing I could hide in someone’s embrace. “Dad!” I sit on the couch holding myself tight as tears threaten to fall from my eyes. “Jasper...” I whimper slightly, “Help.” My voice is soft and trails off.
I hear the awful song from earlier as doors open and close. “Pained by life, and left alone, the little bird flew no more.”
“I want to go home,” I mutter into my sleeves as I hug my knees.
“Honey, you are home,” a woman’s voice croaks lifting my chin, my eyes meeting hollowed-out eyes surrounded by pale wrinkly skin, clawed fingers gripping my throat now. “And you won’t leave us again.”
I shove the woman away screaming in terror and panic as I get up off the couch running to my room. The woman walks slowly, patiently up the stairs. I can hear her footsteps approach the door to my room. I’ve locked myself in.
“Come out dear, I won’t hurt you,” the chilling voice speaks out as she starts singing again. “Don’t worry birdie, no need to cry, we just reached the end of life.”
I hide in my closet hugging a pillow, trying not to make a sound. The door clicks as she opens it. Her footsteps walk into the room.
“Now, where did you hide?”
I don’t reply, I don’t breathe. I stay still watching through a crack in the door as her back is to me. I shuffle back, away from the door. She turns around so suddenly, her eyes meeting mine.
“There you are.” She comes shuffling up to the door as I burst out and shove her back, her clawed hands scratching my arm as she tries to hold me back. I pull away, feeling warm blood run down my arm. Bursting into the bathroom down the hall, I lock the door and back away.
That’s when I notice something peculiar in the mirror… It’s me, but it’s not me. The person is smiling at me, with nothing around them, just in a pitch dark nothingness. “No,” I whisper. Gripping the counter to make sure I’m not lost in the void I shut my eyes tight.
When I opened my eyes, I see light around me, I’m on the couch, and the time reads 7:00 am. I sit up and pinch myself to make sure this is real. The pain feels so real. I hear someone in the kitchen washing dishes.
“Mom?” I call out and hear her reply.
“Yes sweetie?” The water faucet is turned off and she makes an appearance from around the corner of the dining room. A bright smile on her face, she wears a red and white checkered dress, her hair up in a bun. I get up and run to her, springing my arms wide to hug her..
“Mom, I had such a bad dream! I couldn’t wake up although I knew I was asleep,” I tell her, hiding my face in her side, still trembling from the horrible nightmare.
“Dear, who’s to say you’ve woken up?” I look up at her, confused, and note that her lips have a deep cut from ear to ear in a permanent smile.
“This is what you wanted right?” She asked while facing down towards me. “You’ll give anything to stay asleep?”
By James Gomez
5