Choose words that build confidence. Labeling children as bad or naughty
may cause them to lose confidence in themselves. It is better to show approval
of what children are doing than to show disapproval of children themselves.
Saying Tiffany, keep your food on your plate helps Tiffany more than You are
a bad girl to make all this work for your mother. Telling children Daddy won’t
love you threatens children with loss of love, which is more than they can bear.
Contrary to the way it seems, children prefer to do what parents expect of them,
and they do behave better when they sense they are loved. If when you are
disciplining you can say I don’t like what you did but I still like you, you’re on the
right track.
Positive Discipline
Strategies that Work
Generous “I love you’s” make connections towards all the these things most of
all! Connections on the outside make connection to self-control development
on the inside.
Discipline means teaching children the rules people live by and
directing them so they will adopt these rules of their own accord.
Guiding them toward self-discipline should be the goal.
Discipline and punishment are not the same. The purpose is to prevent children
from repeating a forbidden act. Usually, punishment is a short term deterrent
and only effective as long as you are present with your child. In contrast, the
purpose of discipline is to direct children in choosing constructive behavior
patterns and in developing self-control and self-discipline. What can you do?
Suggest in a positive way. Bounce a ball on the floor is a positive suggestion.
It tells your child what to do. Don’t hit the window is a negative one. It only
tells the child what not to do. Telling children what they should do is far more
effective than consistent reminders of what not to do. Stop and don’t are used
too frequently with children that they lose their effect. Try to save these words
for occasions when you must put a quick stop to the child’s behavior for safety’s
sake, for example, if they child is getting ready to touch a hot stove.
Set limits. Limits should be set to protect children’s health and safety, to protect
their rights of others, and to protect children from their own strong feelings.
However, setting limits must be balanced with providing opportunities for
children to explore and develop. Too many limits are restrictive will only make
children resentful and anxious to reach the day they will no longer be under
your control.
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