TherapeuticParenting
by Sonia Martin, LICSW, PIP
Help Kids Navigate Emotions in Chaotic Times
Any quick glance at social media in
recent weeks will provide you with all manner
of advice on how to best navigate this historic
time of uncertainty – especially as it relates
to parenting. Make a schedule for your kids,
they need the structure. Don’t make a sched-
ule for your kids, they need a sense of peace
and calm and to be allowed to go at their
pace. Enforce standard
rules and discipline just
like always – it com-
municates a sense of
normality. Give grace, be
present with your kids –
forgo any non-essential
rules in the home and
just be with your kids. I
think a lot of us in the par-
enting trenches tend to
develop a strategy that lies somewhere in the
middle of the road. And that’s good.
We are all trying to find our footing and
walk that line of grace + guidance. Of rules
+ respect. Of love + leadership. And that
is noble and right and worthy of your time
because despite the best efforts of all of
the advice-givers out there – there is no one
size fits all answer to figuring this out. Every
family is different. Every home is different.
Every kid within that family within that home
is different. So instead of getting caught
up in adopting one particular model that
promises success – lean in to discerning
and understanding and being plugged into
your particular child’s cues, behaviors and
responses. But, in doing so, remember a
few key principles
1. Remember that sad
often looks like mad.
2. Remember that fear
often looks like mad.
3. Remember that anx-
ious often looks like mad.
Remember that your
child likely does not have
the capacity and maturity
to come to you calmly and
say, “Mother, I am feeling a bit wobbly these
days. Everything is different. I don’t really
understand. I am so worried and afraid. May
we please discuss all of my emotions and
concerns over dinner this evening so that
you can bring clarity to the situation and I
can then regulate my emotions?” As incred-
ible as that would be – it is obviously wholly
unrealistic. So remember - kids don’t have
words, they have behaviors. When present-
ed with a 5-year-old who is constantly throw-
PASSAGE USA
ing tantrums and is just completely upside
down – instead of reflexively punishing that
negative behavior - take a minute and see
if you can use your parental super power of
deduction and assess what might really be
the cause of the meltdown and meet your
child there. Give voice to their feelings – “I
wonder if you are having such a hard time
tonight because you are worried about
daddy’s job.” Start to help them begin to
make sense of their own emotions and help
narrate that for them. By doing so, you are
starting to help them correlate their behavior
with their emotions.
You are their anchor. You are their
guidepost. You are the one who has the
capacity and ability to make sense of the
nonsense. So though you may not have
all of the answers, you have great ability to
bring your calming presence in the midst of
the chaotic present.
Sonia is a licensed social worker and holds both a Bachelor’s
and Master’s degree in Social Work. Her clinical focus is on
helping parents and professionals understand the role of the
brain in behavior and how to adopt therapeutic parenting
techniques to mitigate negative behaviors. She is the Director
of Central Alabama for Lifeline Children’s Services and is a
mother to 7 sons, 3 of which were internationally adopted and
she is a foster parent.
A post-secondary educational experience for
students with intellectual disabilities aged 18-
25 focused on attaining individualized goals
in employment and independent living.
CONTACT: Alexandra Chanto-Wetter
(251)460-7558 | [email protected]
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