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“ legal name change ” . It all makes sense now . This feels right . My first binder . It ’ s exhilarating , yet terrifying . Will it crush me ? What if I can ’ t breathe with it on ? I ’ ll finally be flat . Like a real boy . It ’ s on . I can breathe . I look down once more and … nothing . Nothing but the beige that rids me of all my doubt and insecurities I find my style now , from playing pretend to being the person behind the scenes . He ’ ll be in the spotlight now . I try on my first button up . Cream white with blue stripes . It was like any other shirt but felt more … secure . I can stand tall Knowing I can wear something that represents me . I smooth my chest down with my hands . Flat . It was so relieving . I look in the same mirror I did before .