DA505 main
14
26/7/05
6:57 pm
Page 14
Drum: SCENES
E
rnst Blofeld’s malevolent laughter catches in
his throat as a familiar figure, clad in Union
Jack ski-suit and balaclava, leaps from the
roof of his top-secret alpine cabin, over his very
head, showering him and his goons with snow as
they recline on the balcony below. Landing
gracefully on the sheer slope, the figure turns briefly
and gives a cocky yet regal wave, before making off
on his state-of-the-art turbo-skis.
“B-B-Bond!” splutters Blofeld, “BOOOONNND?!
Somehow he has escaped from my heavily fortified
underground lair, where he was left unguarded to be
cut to ribbons by time-activated laser beams!! Again!!
Get him you fools!”
Several of the evil mastermind’s henchmen give chase
on skis and jet-powered snowmobiles, but Bond is too
adept a skier and too accurate a marksman. One by
one he picks them off, sending them crashing into
trees and plunging into ravines as he makes his balletic
descent. As the final goon sails helplessly to his certain
death, Bond executes a perfect snowplough and comes
to an abrupt halt. Turning to look back at the scene
of mayhem he has left on the slope above, he allows
himself a satisfied smile. Removing his balaclava, Bond
pats down his Afro, removes his skis and pimp-rolls
into his nearby chalet for some après-ski….
This may or may not be a scene from the next James
Bond film. Or, more accurately, it isn’t. But, with no
successor to Pierce Brosnan as yet named,