112 Drum: OFF BEAT
Blackwood announced plans for
this unique ‘tour’ in his on-line
video diary yesterday:
”YO YO YO! Believe that all you
Blackwood fans are gonna straight
-up trip when I tell you ‘bout what
I got in store for ya! How’d you like
to be able to tell your friends and
family that the ‘British Will Smith’
gave a private performance in your
front room? Shit-hot stand -up! Sick
rapping! And a rendition of the “I
will strike down on thee with great
vengeance” speech by Sam Jackson
in Pulp Fiction! And…I’ll dance for
you! Anything!”
And in return for this once-in-alifetime opportunity, all Blackwood
requests is some food, drink, something to wear, and maybe a place
to kip for the night.
“Tinned food is good – mince,
beans, or maybe some of them
marrowfat peas! Anything high in
protein! And if anyone’s got a pair
of shoes, size 11, that would be
phat!”
Word from inside the Blackwood
camp is that the former star of
Channel 4’s The Richard Blackwood Show and that one sitcom
that was on BBC3 that one time,
is considering taking his revolutionary new show onto the streets
of Britain.
A source told Drum yesterday: “I
can’t say too much at this stage,
but Blackwood has always loved
performing live – that’s why you
haven’t seen so much of him on
TV lately. He’s really excited about
the chance to perform in the street
– he’s already bought a piece of
cardboard, which he plans to tap
dance on. And, he’s washed out
an old baked bean tin, so that the
public can make contributions if
they are feeling his moves. Big
things are just around the corner –
we can sense it!”
TRISHA AUDIENCE
RESOLVE THORNY
ISSUE OF GAY
ADOPTIONS
T
V talk-show presenter
Trisha Goddard spoke
yesterday of the messages
of thanks and praise she has
received from gay-rights groups and
adoption agencies alike, after the
audience of Monday morning’s
Trisha show conclusively resolved
the thorny issue of adoption rights
for same-sex couples.
“It isn’t me who deserves praise I am only the public face of the
show” said Goddard, modestly,
“You should be thanking Pat, from
Northampton, who made the
invaluable point about children
being teased at school, or Tina
from Bury, who raised the issue of
a potential future race of ‘supergays’ leading to the extinction of
the human species. But special
mention must go to Craig, from
Essex, whose bellowing insistence
that God made Adam and Eve, as
opposed to Adam and Steve, finally
settled the debate.”
Speaking in the Commons yesterday, Deputy Prime Minister John
Prescott echoed Mr Blair’s sentiments: “All I can say, in all truthfulness, is that thank God for
Trisha. Before long, we should
have a definitive solutions to this
nation’s, literally, most important
of questions.”
It is expected that several further
Trisha rulings will follow, on issues
such as asylum, sentencing and
pensions. The Trisha team are also
rumoured to have exciting policy
ideas on such issues as
embarrassing mums, wives who
are secretly strippers, and skanky
hos who think they all that, but
ain’t.