Drink and Drugs News DDN November 2019 (1) | Page 13

WELLBEING
END OF A
RELATIONSHIP
STAYING
ON TRACK
Leaving drug use behind can feel
like losing a lover. Christopher Robin
looks at how to cope
A new app to help
support people in their
recovery has been
launched by King’s
College London.
SURE RECOVERY allows
people to track their progress
towards personal goals, as well
as providing feedback and
monitoring their sleep. There
is also a diary space, options to
share artwork with the recovery
community and information on
things like naloxone.
The app, which is free and
available on both iOS and
Android, has been funded
by Action on Addiction, with
additional funding from the
NIHR Maudsley Biomedical
Research Centre. ‘We were
developing tools and attracting
interest from across the globe,
but that interest was mostly
from people wanting to monitor
and assess their patients,’ said
project lead, Professor Jo Neale
of King’s College’s National
Addiction Centre. ‘We knew that
people in recovery wanted the
tools in an app so that they could
record and refer to their own
scores in private. We believe it
will be a really useful tool.’
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P
erhaps you need a new
perspective, a new way
of looking at your drug
or alcohol use, I suggest
to clients. Your connection with
a drug is like a relationship – and
relationships, as we know, come in
many forms; some healthy, some
unhealthy.
In a marriage, two people fall
in love, decide to spend their lives
together and make vows to love,
honour and respect each other,
forsaking all others for as long
as they both live. These are huge
promises that hold many challenges
and changes, including the
individual growth of each person.
The years pass, the love changes.
The things that were once endearing
may now be irritating. Desire
diminishes, the ageing process takes
each person in a different direction,
yet both parties are reluctant to let
go. They take comfort in the familiar,
fear the unknown and create
reasons to remain as they are – even
though neither is happy. Put your
substance of choice in place of a
partner. Do these feelings and fears
sound familiar?
Imagine this marriage now
becomes undermining and
destructive. Finally, one or both
decide that separation and divorce is
the only way forward. The separation
is difficult and full of sadness.
Sometimes the couple fight over
belongings, only to collapse in tears
and then wonder if they made the
right decision. They remember the
good times and wonder how it
could have come to this. Sometimes
they embrace, make love one more
time, then feel guilty, confused and
regretful. Could they have avoided
divorce? Alas, they know things have
gone too far.
Once you’ve made the decision
to separate and divorce, the
transition can feel difficult and
dangerous. You may want to go
back, to feel the familiarity. You
might feel lonely and yearn for the
one who made you feel so good. You
might even go back for a night and
indulge yourself, even though in the
morning it’s difficult to get away. If
you decide ‘never again’, the loss is
so great and the yearning almost
overpowering, enticing you with
selective memories. So how do you
The years pass,
the love changes.
Two people take
comfort in the
familiar, fear the
unknown and
create reasons to
remain as they
are – even though
neither is happy
get through? How do you resist the
yearning and craving?
At the end of any long and
intense relationship, including
substance misuse, you need to
learn to deal with the loss and the
accompanying changes. How do you
spend your free time, what do you do
at weekends, how do you sleep? You
slowly and gradually build strength
and resilience with help and support,
and by doing things that perhaps you
never thought you would.
It can be a long journey, yet every
day can bring a lovely surprise. Just
remember, some days you may have
to look for it.
Christopher Robin is at Enigma
Drug & Alcohol Consultancy, www.
enigma-drugs-consultancy.co.uk
NOVEMBER 2019 • DRINK AND DRUGS NEWS • 13