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‘ I wish we had been able to seek support ’
Amy Beth describes losing her sister Carys
MY SISTER WAS A 21-YEAR-OLD UNIVERSITY GRADUATE WHEN SHE FIRST BECAME ILL . Seven years later , aged 28 , Carys passed away as a result of the irreparable damage alcohol had caused to her body .
Shortly after completing her accountancy degree in 2009 , Carys ’ long-term relationship came to an end and her life began to fall apart . As a family we started notice worrying changes in her behaviour . I returned home from university for the summer holidays and I was shocked to see the change in my sister . Within a few weeks , it was apparent that Carys was drinking daily . I frequently found bottles of vodka stashed our bedroom and in her handbag .
After much persuasion Carys agreed to attend the GP but , once there , she denied that she had a problem with alcohol and just explained that she was upset following the break-up . The GP reassured my mum that it was most likely a ‘ phase ’ and Carys was simply sent away with leaflets and advice .
For seven years we battled as a family to get Carys the help she needed to beat her addiction . Many people , including medical professionals , found it difficult to accept that Carys was an alcoholic and often assumed that we were exaggerating the extent of her addiction . Carys didn ’ t ‘ look ’ like an alcoholic . She was a blondehaired , blue-eyed woman in her early twenties . She had a degree , a home and a loving and supportive family – she didn ’ t fit the bill .
The stigma that surrounds alcoholics , or indeed any addict , followed her and my family throughout her illness . While my sister was desperately ill , I didn ’ t feel that I was able to share her illness with the people around me . I quickly learnt that if I opened up about it , people were eager to judge , which made an already difficult time harder . Even close friends failed to appreciate the severity of the situation , and I felt very alone .
I have come to accept that many people view alcoholism as a ‘ self-inflicted ’ illness . This is drastically inaccurate – and besides that , the cause of the illness itself is irrelevant when considering the impact it has on family members . We were still the family of a person with a terminal illness . We were still having to witness our daughter , sister , loved one , deteriorating in front of our eyes . The only difference for us was that we were going through that process without sympathy or support . I wish that we had been able to seek support from our friends and colleagues . That would have made a horrible situation a little easier . decided to visit her family for Christmas . Her outpatient psychotherapy at her local hospital had just come to an end and this , combined with the season and other complicating factors , resulted in a lapse . She became distressed when she left the family to go home , and began drinking .
She was distraught and struggling to forgive herself , but her relationship with Orbit staff meant she was able to disclose this lapse and address it before it could become a full-blown relapse . A plan was agreed with the multiagency team ( MAT ) and she was allocated a family support worker and linked into other community groups .
Kirsty has not drunk for almost a year now and is accessing universal childcare and starting college . Her case is now closed to children ’ s social care , but she continues to attend one-to-one appointments at Orbit . Without our help , Kirsty would not have been able to access support as the main drug and alcohol services are adult-only services which do not cater for families .
I ’ m delighted to see Kirsty and her baby thrive . They have both come a long way . Kirsty ’ s primary trigger for drinking was anxiety combined with isolation , so it ’ s really pleasing to see her grow in confidence and engage so positively while continuing to develop a support network .
* Name changed to protect identity
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